I cut it again.
Not much, just enough to calm my scissoring cravings.
Oh.. so many lesbian jokes to be made here, so little time.
I'm not that happy with the way it turned out and might have to go at it again tonight.
What? A hairdresser, you say?
Wait. Let me stop laughing.
Today I'm going to spend my day with my parents. I have no idea what we are going to do but I'm hoping it involves a trip someplace far away.
Lunch in Lisbon would be nice.
I'm finally understanding twitter. After 5 years or so. I'm a late bloomer.
It's one of those days... I really feel like writing something but I'm just to focused on the fact that in a few minutes I'll have to leave my precious bunker and go outside to be able to say anything remotely interesting.
And yes... I still have man popping in my 3rd floor windows. Thank the stars for curtains!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Brilliant idea
At 11 pm I decided that my dinner should be brussels sprouts and a fried egg.
Then I decided that the appropriate drink to go with this gourmet dish was warm water.
Now... can someone please explain me what the hell was I thinking?
Then I decided that the appropriate drink to go with this gourmet dish was warm water.
Now... can someone please explain me what the hell was I thinking?
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
From Apple's journal #56
*Apple got home and Andrew was already there. He fell asleep in the couch waiting for her to arrive.
She put a sleeping Roderick, Wolf and Scarlet to bed and hushed Owen, Mia and Scarlet to their rooms after brushing their teeth.
She came back to the living room and smiled as she looked at Andrew. He was sitting down, his head was hanging to the right, completely lopsided and the magazine he had been reading was on the floor.
She tiptoed her way to him and slowly sat on his lap, facing him, one leg on each side of his.
A gentle rub was all it took to get his attention.*
Hey sleepy head. Don't you want to get your ass to bed before you get a very stiff neck?
*He smiled at her, making a snide remark about how he was sure that position would give him a stiff something and picked her up, carrying her to the bedroom.*
It's good to be home.
She put a sleeping Roderick, Wolf and Scarlet to bed and hushed Owen, Mia and Scarlet to their rooms after brushing their teeth.
She came back to the living room and smiled as she looked at Andrew. He was sitting down, his head was hanging to the right, completely lopsided and the magazine he had been reading was on the floor.
She tiptoed her way to him and slowly sat on his lap, facing him, one leg on each side of his.
A gentle rub was all it took to get his attention.*
Hey sleepy head. Don't you want to get your ass to bed before you get a very stiff neck?
*He smiled at her, making a snide remark about how he was sure that position would give him a stiff something and picked her up, carrying her to the bedroom.*
It's good to be home.
They are destroying my bunker!
Nooooooooo!!!! ( Insert a "frodo" here... and if you get this, you're awesome!)
How did this happen?
My bunker.. my place of solitude, my safe spot... is being destroyed.
I woke up yesterday to some weird structure being build around my building and today I have men outside of my window.
Like in... people popping right outside my third floor windows, where I thought I was safe and away from humans.
Apparently they are painting the building. Oh I don't like this at all! I'll have people around for days!
I swear I've been feeling like hiding in my closet all morning... It's very stressful for a person who doesn't even exist to have reality shoved at her face by construction workers.
/Alaila hides under the blanket
How did this happen?
My bunker.. my place of solitude, my safe spot... is being destroyed.
I woke up yesterday to some weird structure being build around my building and today I have men outside of my window.
Like in... people popping right outside my third floor windows, where I thought I was safe and away from humans.
Apparently they are painting the building. Oh I don't like this at all! I'll have people around for days!
I swear I've been feeling like hiding in my closet all morning... It's very stressful for a person who doesn't even exist to have reality shoved at her face by construction workers.
/Alaila hides under the blanket
Monday, September 19, 2011
Dear Alaila - Eat alone
"Dear Alaila
I haven't been on my own since I was a 18 year old girl and 10 year later I seem to have lost the ability to eat by myself.
Use a pretty glass.
Who cares if no one else is there? You deserve it. They said so in the girly magazine you were reading the other day.
Don't feel silly because you are using your best glass to drink when your meal is a ready-in-3 minutes bowl of ramen!
You are using fancy chopsticks so it's fine.
Classy!
I haven't been on my own since I was a 18 year old girl and 10 year later I seem to have lost the ability to eat by myself.
Best wishes
"A friend of mine" from Wonderland, in Maine"
Use a pretty glass.
Who cares if no one else is there? You deserve it. They said so in the girly magazine you were reading the other day.
Don't feel silly because you are using your best glass to drink when your meal is a ready-in-3 minutes bowl of ramen!
You are using fancy chopsticks so it's fine.
Classy!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Searching for others
I'm going to look for others.
Wish me luck.
If you just got here and have no idea what is going on.. you probably should read this.
Wish me luck.
If you just got here and have no idea what is going on.. you probably should read this.
Dear Alaila
"Dear Alaila
I have just recently got out of a 4 year relationship and I don't know what to do!
Please help.
Okay.. don't panic.
Your are going to go through the 5 stages of being alone, ready?
1- You'll cry your eyes out.
It doesn't matter if you ended it or the other person did. It doesn't matter if it was a destructive relationship or the love of your life. You will cry.
You will mourn the loss of being with someone, the loss of of being part of something greater than yourself, of having someone to share your meals with and to fill the house with some sort of background noise... even if it was only just that they did.
Embrace it.
Don't fight it. Don't think crying it's a sign of weakness and you're above it.
Set a time for it. Plan an evening of tissues and depressing music.
And that's it. No more. You may feel sad, you may even get teary... but you will not indulge in a pity party any longer than that one night. You are moving on!
2- You will think you are worthless.
If the person didn't fight for you it was because you weren't worth fighting for.
If the person treated you badly it's because you deserved it.
If you were not loved it's because you are unlovable and will never find happiness again.
Stop!
Stop it right now.
If you feel you are worthless do something of value. Help someone. Clean your house. Organize your computer. Call a friend.
3- You will feel that you are ugly/uninteresting/boring.
You are right. With puffy red eyes and runny nose you are not the most attractive person in the world. Wash your face. Smile. Problem solved.
If all you can talk about is your broken relationship you are not that interesting... read a book, read the paper, do a crazy Google search and share your opinions about it. Problem solved.
If you just complaint about your life you are indeed boring. I'm not telling you to hide your pain.. but at least mix it up a bit. We all know great tragedies always have a comic side to them.
Never heard the saying: " it's so sad it's funny?".
4- You will wonder if you did the right thing or if you should try to get back into that relationship and work harder.
No!
No!
I'll say it again: no!
Right now you are having the fantasy that the other person is doing this. It's a nice fantasy but it's not happening. They are probably doing this... or this... or this. They might even be doing this already.
You should do the same. Seriously.
5- You'll want to hide away from humans and live as a crazy cat lady.
If that's your thing.. go for it.
If you feel you might get bored after a while and crave human contact then don't push away all your friends.
Remember that people may suck, but there are a few capable of being quite awesome.
After going to all of these stages you will wake up one day and realize that now you don't know what to do with yourself.
Suddenly it's just you and you are not as grieve-struck as before and you even start thinking about the future.
Congratulations.
You are ready to learn how to be single again.
I have just recently got out of a 4 year relationship and I don't know what to do!
Please help.
Best wishes
Completely Made up Person from Lala Land"
Okay.. don't panic.
Your are going to go through the 5 stages of being alone, ready?
1- You'll cry your eyes out.
It doesn't matter if you ended it or the other person did. It doesn't matter if it was a destructive relationship or the love of your life. You will cry.
You will mourn the loss of being with someone, the loss of of being part of something greater than yourself, of having someone to share your meals with and to fill the house with some sort of background noise... even if it was only just that they did.
Embrace it.
Don't fight it. Don't think crying it's a sign of weakness and you're above it.
Set a time for it. Plan an evening of tissues and depressing music.
And that's it. No more. You may feel sad, you may even get teary... but you will not indulge in a pity party any longer than that one night. You are moving on!
2- You will think you are worthless.
If the person didn't fight for you it was because you weren't worth fighting for.
If the person treated you badly it's because you deserved it.
If you were not loved it's because you are unlovable and will never find happiness again.
Stop!
Stop it right now.
If you feel you are worthless do something of value. Help someone. Clean your house. Organize your computer. Call a friend.
3- You will feel that you are ugly/uninteresting/boring.
You are right. With puffy red eyes and runny nose you are not the most attractive person in the world. Wash your face. Smile. Problem solved.
If all you can talk about is your broken relationship you are not that interesting... read a book, read the paper, do a crazy Google search and share your opinions about it. Problem solved.
If you just complaint about your life you are indeed boring. I'm not telling you to hide your pain.. but at least mix it up a bit. We all know great tragedies always have a comic side to them.
Never heard the saying: " it's so sad it's funny?".
4- You will wonder if you did the right thing or if you should try to get back into that relationship and work harder.
No!
No!
I'll say it again: no!
Right now you are having the fantasy that the other person is doing this. It's a nice fantasy but it's not happening. They are probably doing this... or this... or this. They might even be doing this already.
You should do the same. Seriously.
5- You'll want to hide away from humans and live as a crazy cat lady.
If that's your thing.. go for it.
If you feel you might get bored after a while and crave human contact then don't push away all your friends.
Remember that people may suck, but there are a few capable of being quite awesome.
After going to all of these stages you will wake up one day and realize that now you don't know what to do with yourself.
Suddenly it's just you and you are not as grieve-struck as before and you even start thinking about the future.
Congratulations.
You are ready to learn how to be single again.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Hate it!
Love cooking. hate doing it for myself.
And I know why: because I suck!
I swear, give me 10 mouths to feed and I'm a happy camper, making delicious oven dishes with crispy toppings. Leave me alone to cook for myself and I do this:
This, my friends, is a zucchini and couscous mess, way too salty and way to soft.
I just can't get the measurements right for just one person.
And I know why: because I suck!
I swear, give me 10 mouths to feed and I'm a happy camper, making delicious oven dishes with crispy toppings. Leave me alone to cook for myself and I do this:
I just can't get the measurements right for just one person.
Facebook, you perv!
When I'm not feeling as sexy and I need a pick me up I can always count on Facebook to make me feel like a slut for a little while I update my profile.
Sure! Of course I want to show my sex in my profile. Should I send a picture now?
Let me unleash my politically correct self: shouldn't it be "show my gender in my profile"?
Sure! Of course I want to show my sex in my profile. Should I send a picture now?
Let me unleash my politically correct self: shouldn't it be "show my gender in my profile"?
Friday, September 16, 2011
Yes that makes sense
I hear things going bump in the night and unfortunately it's not the neighbors having a good time.
I don't think anyone on my building has sex. Or in any other building I've lived in. Or they all have their mute button on.
No, I mean I hear weird sounds in my house. I see shadows out of the corner of my eyes. I freak out on a regular basis because "something" brushed against my leg or "something" tugged at my hair.
Don't judge me!
I don't exist. It's only natural for me to be afraid of other things that don't exist either.
Anyway... because of this I am more afraid of the dark than a four year old. I'm the kind of girl who turns on the lights in the next room and then goes back to the room she was to turn off the lights there.
The other day the lights went out on my whole street and we were in the dark for almost an hour.
Oh.. the fun. Have you ever tried to find candle in the dark with shaky hands and a dog jumping around you?
So since then when the sun goes down I light a candle in the room I'm in. That way if "something" makes the lights go out I'll still be able to fight the darkness with my mighty tea candle.
Now, you might look at this and ask " but Alailanible... if "something" wanted you to be in the dark *and* could make the lights go out, couldn't it as easily blow out the candle. To that I say "Shhh! Don't give them ideas!!!"
I use the same fantastic logic for battling the weird sounds: I use headphones and hear music all the time.
"But Alailanible... that just means that you don't hear it.. doesn't mean the sounds are gone. And if there is really "something" running around your house wouldn't it be better to hear it coming so you could run... or scream... or be polite and bake cookies?"
To that I say " what? I can't hear you over the music, sorry..."
I don't think anyone on my building has sex. Or in any other building I've lived in. Or they all have their mute button on.
No, I mean I hear weird sounds in my house. I see shadows out of the corner of my eyes. I freak out on a regular basis because "something" brushed against my leg or "something" tugged at my hair.
Don't judge me!
I don't exist. It's only natural for me to be afraid of other things that don't exist either.
Anyway... because of this I am more afraid of the dark than a four year old. I'm the kind of girl who turns on the lights in the next room and then goes back to the room she was to turn off the lights there.
The other day the lights went out on my whole street and we were in the dark for almost an hour.
Oh.. the fun. Have you ever tried to find candle in the dark with shaky hands and a dog jumping around you?
So since then when the sun goes down I light a candle in the room I'm in. That way if "something" makes the lights go out I'll still be able to fight the darkness with my mighty tea candle.
Now, you might look at this and ask " but Alailanible... if "something" wanted you to be in the dark *and* could make the lights go out, couldn't it as easily blow out the candle. To that I say "Shhh! Don't give them ideas!!!"
I use the same fantastic logic for battling the weird sounds: I use headphones and hear music all the time.
"But Alailanible... that just means that you don't hear it.. doesn't mean the sounds are gone. And if there is really "something" running around your house wouldn't it be better to hear it coming so you could run... or scream... or be polite and bake cookies?"
To that I say " what? I can't hear you over the music, sorry..."
From Apple's journal #55
I'm a chicken.. laying eggs!
So Andrew comes home, starts kissing me and I tell him: baby, it's that time of the month...
He ignores me.
I press on: you know... the "making babies time of the month" and we are out of condoms.
He then says something like "oh.. you should rest for a while before we have another one, right?"
I say that yes... maybe it's better because Roderick isn't even one year old and we buy some condoms.
I tell him I have condoms and he asks me if I think we could make a baby in just one try.
I tell him no, I don't think that's possible.
He laughs and tells me "want to try? If we are that lucky.. we can call her Chance!".
I laugh, he laughs, I look at him laughing, he looks at me looking at him, I drop the condoms and then... well...
Half an hour later we are laying in the kitchen floor, catching our breaths and I say that we are completely crazy.
A week passes and I start to get nervous "should I go pee on a stick? I should pee on a stick.. otherwise in a couple of weeks I'll be even more disappointed because there is no Chance."
So I did.
I'm a chicken... laying eggs. I promise I'll stop when I have a dozen.
So Andrew comes home, starts kissing me and I tell him: baby, it's that time of the month...
He ignores me.
I press on: you know... the "making babies time of the month" and we are out of condoms.
He then says something like "oh.. you should rest for a while before we have another one, right?"
I say that yes... maybe it's better because Roderick isn't even one year old and we buy some condoms.
I tell him I have condoms and he asks me if I think we could make a baby in just one try.
I tell him no, I don't think that's possible.
He laughs and tells me "want to try? If we are that lucky.. we can call her Chance!".
I laugh, he laughs, I look at him laughing, he looks at me looking at him, I drop the condoms and then... well...
Half an hour later we are laying in the kitchen floor, catching our breaths and I say that we are completely crazy.
A week passes and I start to get nervous "should I go pee on a stick? I should pee on a stick.. otherwise in a couple of weeks I'll be even more disappointed because there is no Chance."
So I did.
I'm a chicken... laying eggs. I promise I'll stop when I have a dozen.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
From Apple's journal #54
So this is was my fourth pregnancy... and my third time giving birth all by myself.
I have the worst timing ever when it's time to pop.
Down to two nannies, on on her day off, my husband away.. perfect time to have the baby of course.
Thank god I have the best friend and the best nanny in the world... I was able to focus all my energy in the baby and not worry about the children at home.
I must admit I freaked out at first when my water broke and I realised that I was alone with the 5 kids and had to get to the hospital as fast as possible.
But I'm not a newbie any more... after 3 other pregnancies I'm a professional at this!
I took my deep breaths, I told the little ones that their brother was coming and that we were all taking a trip to the hospital. Then I called Rita asking for help and she sprung into action.
Then I called Rosa and she was already on her way.
In the end all turned out well.
I have one more perfect baby boy. My little Roderick .
...
I just wish you had been here...
I have the worst timing ever when it's time to pop.
Down to two nannies, on on her day off, my husband away.. perfect time to have the baby of course.
Thank god I have the best friend and the best nanny in the world... I was able to focus all my energy in the baby and not worry about the children at home.
I must admit I freaked out at first when my water broke and I realised that I was alone with the 5 kids and had to get to the hospital as fast as possible.
But I'm not a newbie any more... after 3 other pregnancies I'm a professional at this!
I took my deep breaths, I told the little ones that their brother was coming and that we were all taking a trip to the hospital. Then I called Rita asking for help and she sprung into action.
Then I called Rosa and she was already on her way.
In the end all turned out well.
I have one more perfect baby boy. My little Roderick .
...
I just wish you had been here...
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
From Apple's journal #53
I miss my wife and I miss my husband.
I miss having Janina all for myself for more than a few hours in a random city.
I miss having her kids around, competing with mine for the biggest chaos making us in to one huge family.
I miss the scent of her hair, the softness of her skin and the cute hearts the draws on notes.
I miss the way she playfully bites my shoulder and announces proudly that she has bitten the apple.
And I miss Andrew.
I miss his arms around me and feeling safe nestled in his embrace.
I miss kissing him awake in the morning and the way he always smiles when he looks at me.
I miss hearing the kids laugh when he picks them up and makes them fly.
I miss the long baths we share when he comes home from fishing.
I miss having him cuddle me to sleep and rubbing my belly, calling me popcorn because I'm ready to pop.
I miss them!
So when do I get these two huge chunks of my heart back? Hum?
I miss having Janina all for myself for more than a few hours in a random city.
I miss having her kids around, competing with mine for the biggest chaos making us in to one huge family.
I miss the scent of her hair, the softness of her skin and the cute hearts the draws on notes.
I miss the way she playfully bites my shoulder and announces proudly that she has bitten the apple.
And I miss Andrew.
I miss his arms around me and feeling safe nestled in his embrace.
I miss kissing him awake in the morning and the way he always smiles when he looks at me.
I miss hearing the kids laugh when he picks them up and makes them fly.
I miss the long baths we share when he comes home from fishing.
I miss having him cuddle me to sleep and rubbing my belly, calling me popcorn because I'm ready to pop.
I miss them!
So when do I get these two huge chunks of my heart back? Hum?
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
From Apple's journal #52
I always get like this at the end of my pregnancies.
Sleepy.
Lazy.
I spend warm mornings in bed, slow afternoons baking cookies with the occasional nap with Wolf and Bella and I cuddle in Andrew's lap most of the evening watching the kids play.
Having Rosa's children around actually calms things down around here. They get Letty tired!
I would write more... but I have a some nice tea brewing and a book that is not going to read itself.
Sleepy.
Lazy.
I spend warm mornings in bed, slow afternoons baking cookies with the occasional nap with Wolf and Bella and I cuddle in Andrew's lap most of the evening watching the kids play.
Having Rosa's children around actually calms things down around here. They get Letty tired!
I would write more... but I have a some nice tea brewing and a book that is not going to read itself.
From Apple's journal #51
So after a failed attempt today the doctor was finally able to see a little weiner.
Me and Andrew are going to be having another baby boy.
Scarlet was not too happy with the news but Owen was pretty optimistic about it.
On one end we have a "but.. we already have a baby and its a boy...." on the other we have " yes.. now we are tied: 3 girls, 3 boys!".
Mia was just puzzled : "are girls harder to make? Why do my moms have so many boys?"
Ruby was very progressive with her reaction: "can he change his mind and be a girl?".
Wolf wanted to eat.
So, we are all waiting for you Rodrick!
Me and Andrew are going to be having another baby boy.
Scarlet was not too happy with the news but Owen was pretty optimistic about it.
On one end we have a "but.. we already have a baby and its a boy...." on the other we have " yes.. now we are tied: 3 girls, 3 boys!".
Mia was just puzzled : "are girls harder to make? Why do my moms have so many boys?"
Ruby was very progressive with her reaction: "can he change his mind and be a girl?".
Wolf wanted to eat.
So, we are all waiting for you Rodrick!
Monday, September 12, 2011
From Apple's journal #50
*Apple wakes up and feels Andrew's arms around her. She tries to get out of bed to make breakfast but his grip on her tightens. She tries to lift his arm up but it's weighting down on her. A playful laugh lets her know he isn't sleeping at all.
She turns around to face him,ready for her good morning kiss.
His voice is still thick from sleep when he says "'morning, muffin".
She kisses him, momentarily forgetting why she wanted to get out of bed in the first place.
-Mommy... I'm xirty! - a very sleepy Scarlet enters the room, her pillow on her hand and a blanket over her head.
Apple grabs a bottle from the night stand while Andrew pulls the child into the bed.
Letty drinks her water and falls asleep in her dad's arms again. Later on she probably won't even remember how she ended up in her parents bed.
Apple lays her head in her husband's chest and twirls one of Letty's curls in her hand deciding that breakfast can wait.*
She turns around to face him,ready for her good morning kiss.
His voice is still thick from sleep when he says "'morning, muffin".
She kisses him, momentarily forgetting why she wanted to get out of bed in the first place.
-Mommy... I'm xirty! - a very sleepy Scarlet enters the room, her pillow on her hand and a blanket over her head.
Apple grabs a bottle from the night stand while Andrew pulls the child into the bed.
Letty drinks her water and falls asleep in her dad's arms again. Later on she probably won't even remember how she ended up in her parents bed.
Apple lays her head in her husband's chest and twirls one of Letty's curls in her hand deciding that breakfast can wait.*
From Apple's journal #49
Being a mom is not about being a superwoman.
Being a wife is not about always having a smiling face to great your spouse.
Being a friend is not about never complaining and always being a jolly good company.
Everyone needs a break. And everyone needs to be taken care of every once in a while.
So today I abducted Rosa ( her words, not mine) and we both went to a spa to recharge.
The kids were very well taken care of so she had no excuse not to go.
We'll be indulging in several treatments:
I'll be copying their descriptions from the brochure:
Indian Head Massage -30 minutes
Based on old Ayurvedic techniques involving work on the shoulders, neck, scalp and face. A variety of massage movements are used to relieve tension, stimulate circulation and restore joint movement.
Sea and Senses Body (Marine Hot Stones) -75 minutes
Thermodynamic basalt stones are massaged over the body utilising selected pre-blended essential oils to enhance well being. The exfoliating and sculpting techniques are carried out with volcanic and marine stones using spiral movements.
The ultimate treatment for those wanting to de-stress.
Instant Radiance Facial - 60 minutes
Fatigue, stress, ageing and environmental conditions leave the skin clogged up and tired, leaving skin looking dull and lifeless. To restore the beauty of your complexion, we offer you the perfect radiance boosting facial using the brightening extracts of Fresh Tomatoes and Ruscus for glowing skin that looks good enough to eat!
Luxury Manicure
Combining the elements of the express manicure with a luxurious hand and nail exfoliation, mask and heated mitts - the ultimate in hand and nail care.
We'll be home for dinner, ready to face tantrums with kind words, speak softly of love to our significant others and be the cheerful company our friends expect.
And with we'll do all that with awesome nails!
Being a wife is not about always having a smiling face to great your spouse.
Being a friend is not about never complaining and always being a jolly good company.
Everyone needs a break. And everyone needs to be taken care of every once in a while.
So today I abducted Rosa ( her words, not mine) and we both went to a spa to recharge.
The kids were very well taken care of so she had no excuse not to go.
We'll be indulging in several treatments:
I'll be copying their descriptions from the brochure:
Indian Head Massage -30 minutes
Based on old Ayurvedic techniques involving work on the shoulders, neck, scalp and face. A variety of massage movements are used to relieve tension, stimulate circulation and restore joint movement.
Sea and Senses Body (Marine Hot Stones) -75 minutes
Thermodynamic basalt stones are massaged over the body utilising selected pre-blended essential oils to enhance well being. The exfoliating and sculpting techniques are carried out with volcanic and marine stones using spiral movements.
The ultimate treatment for those wanting to de-stress.
Instant Radiance Facial - 60 minutes
Fatigue, stress, ageing and environmental conditions leave the skin clogged up and tired, leaving skin looking dull and lifeless. To restore the beauty of your complexion, we offer you the perfect radiance boosting facial using the brightening extracts of Fresh Tomatoes and Ruscus for glowing skin that looks good enough to eat!
Luxury Manicure
Combining the elements of the express manicure with a luxurious hand and nail exfoliation, mask and heated mitts - the ultimate in hand and nail care.
We'll be home for dinner, ready to face tantrums with kind words, speak softly of love to our significant others and be the cheerful company our friends expect.
And with we'll do all that with awesome nails!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
From Apple's journal #48
*Apple closed the door so that the children couldn't hear the conversation and took a deep breath before stating to answer Connor's message.*
Let's start from the beginning.
I have never spoke a bad word about you to Owen.
Never.
Not even when you took him and didn't let me speak to him on the phone.
Never!
When Owen finally got back to me he was more angry at me because I had a baby and got married without him knowing or being here than at you.
I never, ever told him that it was your fault. You can check that too. I always apologised, told him that I missed him so much. Never did I told him that the reason he was not there and the reason he didn't know about the baby was because of you.
And until Christmas Owen was angry at me. He thought I didn't want him at the wedding because I didn't see him as my son as much as the others.
It broke my heart to see him like that Connor, but I still kept my mouth shut.
Now lets go to the turning point.
On Christmas night we were opening the presents. I warped two presents and gave them to Owen as if they were from you.
Honestly I don't know how in your head that was something that I would do if I was trying to keep you two apart.
After opening the presents Owen wanted to talk to you. You were still blocking my number so I could not call you and let him speak to you.. so I told him to write you a message.
He did.
He wrote:
"Merry Christmas dad.
Mom gave me a hat and a mp3 player and said they were from you.
Thanks!"
Do you remember your answer?
He sure does.
You told him to stop contacting you!
You were the one shutting him out of your life.
He cried the whole night!
His own father told him, to his face, that he would block him if he ever tried to contact him again.
I tried to tell him that you'd probably just had too much eggnog, that you didn't meant it... but the damage was done.
He asked me to change his last name.
When I told him that I didn't thought that was a good idea he burst into tears again, asking me if I didn't want him either.
That was enough for me.
Next morning I filled for the name change.
I didn't ask for your opinion because
number 1- I could not talk to you because you blocked me from all communication and
number 2- because you had just very clearly stated that you didn't wanted any contact with your own son. For me that put you in no position to even have an opinion.
Now about Maynard. Why was he sad?
Owen never broke his relationship with him.
The last time they talked Owen told him he wanted to play more with him
It was Maynard's mom and not Owen or me that ended the relationship.
You can ask her.
Even so, Owen is more than happy to talk to him, play with him, have him in his life if he wants to.
Now tell me.. how am I being unreasonable after all this?
Last time you got custody of Owen you blocked me from speaking to him.
You didn't let him call me to speak to me or his sisters.
You kept him from his own mother's wedding.
You didn't told him he was having a baby brother.
You dragged him around and don't forget kids talk...He spent most of his days alone. He didn't even celebrated Christmas.. or New years... he didn't even had play dates or celebrated Halloween. Nothing!
Do you honestly think after that behaviour I'm going to give custody back to you?
After you told to Owen's face that you didn't want him to contact you or you'd block him from your life?
No way.
But you don't need custody to have a healthy relationship with your son.
You can visit him, he can visit you, you can write to each other, he can spend vacations with you and Maynard. You are invited to every birthday party, every event in his life... even if is something as trivial as wearing a tie for the first time or something like that.
You are *not* blocked from his life. You never were. If you are not present is because you choose not to be.
Let's start from the beginning.
I have never spoke a bad word about you to Owen.
Never.
Not even when you took him and didn't let me speak to him on the phone.
Never!
When Owen finally got back to me he was more angry at me because I had a baby and got married without him knowing or being here than at you.
I never, ever told him that it was your fault. You can check that too. I always apologised, told him that I missed him so much. Never did I told him that the reason he was not there and the reason he didn't know about the baby was because of you.
And until Christmas Owen was angry at me. He thought I didn't want him at the wedding because I didn't see him as my son as much as the others.
It broke my heart to see him like that Connor, but I still kept my mouth shut.
Now lets go to the turning point.
On Christmas night we were opening the presents. I warped two presents and gave them to Owen as if they were from you.
Honestly I don't know how in your head that was something that I would do if I was trying to keep you two apart.
After opening the presents Owen wanted to talk to you. You were still blocking my number so I could not call you and let him speak to you.. so I told him to write you a message.
He did.
He wrote:
"Merry Christmas dad.
Mom gave me a hat and a mp3 player and said they were from you.
Thanks!"
Do you remember your answer?
He sure does.
You told him to stop contacting you!
You were the one shutting him out of your life.
He cried the whole night!
His own father told him, to his face, that he would block him if he ever tried to contact him again.
I tried to tell him that you'd probably just had too much eggnog, that you didn't meant it... but the damage was done.
He asked me to change his last name.
When I told him that I didn't thought that was a good idea he burst into tears again, asking me if I didn't want him either.
That was enough for me.
Next morning I filled for the name change.
I didn't ask for your opinion because
number 1- I could not talk to you because you blocked me from all communication and
number 2- because you had just very clearly stated that you didn't wanted any contact with your own son. For me that put you in no position to even have an opinion.
Now about Maynard. Why was he sad?
Owen never broke his relationship with him.
The last time they talked Owen told him he wanted to play more with him
It was Maynard's mom and not Owen or me that ended the relationship.
You can ask her.
Even so, Owen is more than happy to talk to him, play with him, have him in his life if he wants to.
Now tell me.. how am I being unreasonable after all this?
Last time you got custody of Owen you blocked me from speaking to him.
You didn't let him call me to speak to me or his sisters.
You kept him from his own mother's wedding.
You didn't told him he was having a baby brother.
You dragged him around and don't forget kids talk...He spent most of his days alone. He didn't even celebrated Christmas.. or New years... he didn't even had play dates or celebrated Halloween. Nothing!
Do you honestly think after that behaviour I'm going to give custody back to you?
After you told to Owen's face that you didn't want him to contact you or you'd block him from your life?
No way.
But you don't need custody to have a healthy relationship with your son.
You can visit him, he can visit you, you can write to each other, he can spend vacations with you and Maynard. You are invited to every birthday party, every event in his life... even if is something as trivial as wearing a tie for the first time or something like that.
You are *not* blocked from his life. You never were. If you are not present is because you choose not to be.
Friday, September 9, 2011
From Apple's journal #47
Pregnant?
So, the test says I am.
The doctor says it too.
But.. but.. but... I'm not feeling pregnant at all.
By this time I should have a nice baby bump, start craving some foods and getting sick with others... at least I should start running to the bathroom every 5 minutes.
Nothing.
I feel just as normal as usually.
I'm starting to think that after 3 pregnancies you get one for free and I'm going to spend all the time until the baby is due without any side effects.
And right now I'm probably making a dozen of pregnant women green with jealousy. :) ( Hi Rosa! :P)
Kids
Some of the nannies have been asking me very good questions about the children so I thought I should share with all the information.
How do they get along:
They all get along rather well. Owen is closest to Ruby and Ruby is closest to him except when Mia is around. Then poor Owen gets dragged into girly play. :P
Scarlet is the one who seeks most attention. She was not happy when Wolf was born but now she thinks that " he's no so stinky any more, mommy".
Because I'm not yet showing a big belly neither one of them is that interested in the new baby on the way. From my experience they only get interested when they can feel the baby move.
What should they eat:
I'd rather have them eat healthy most of the time. It can be hard... specially with Letty. But she eats with her eyes... if it's pretty, she'll eat it.
That said, they are kids... so some cookies and icecream once in a while is okay.
Wolf has a big BIG appetite so I recommend small frequent meals.
Routine and habits:
All of them get to pick what socks they want to wear.
They should not see more than one hour and a half of tv in a day. Normally they see a movie before dinner. They take turns picking what they want to see.
Owen is starting to claim his space and sometimes needs a bit of distance from the girls. He may choose a different movie from time to time and watch it by himself.
Bath time is music time. They get clean to their favourite tunes.
They are used to brush their teeth after lunch when they are at home.
Things to look out for:
-Letty likes to pick things and trying to eat them. Random things, Things like the remote or her brother's pacifier.
-Ruby tends to follow Owen everywhere and he doesn't like it when she follows him to the bathroom.He is starting to need his space.
- Wolf is a very quiet baby.He cries when he is hungry but not when he needs to be changed... you have to check him frequently.
-Owen has some daddy issues... he had a bad experience and sometimes gets a bit insecure.If he ever asks to talk to me, call me.No matter what I'm doing or where I am, call me and let him talk to me.
-Mia comes to stay with us a week or so at a time. She is usually with her other mother, Billie. When she is with us she is very polite and acts like a guest for the first day and has to be convinced that she's at home here too.
-Ruby is very shy. She feels unease around people she doesn't know that well. She also gets frightened when there are a lot of people around her. One exception: anything involving dancing... then she could not care less if the room is crowded or not.
-Scarlet likes to steal toys and chew on them.
-Mia will give her food, her toys... anything to any of them if they ask for it.
-Owen will fight anyone that makes fun of Ruby. Sometimes he bites. It's the only situation I ever saw him be aggressive.. but boy... he is very protective of her.
-Scarlet will talk to strangers. To anyone, really.
-Ruby will tell anyone who asks that her daddy is a blond girl with pretty golden hair but that she is allowed to call Andrew daddy too.
So, the test says I am.
The doctor says it too.
But.. but.. but... I'm not feeling pregnant at all.
By this time I should have a nice baby bump, start craving some foods and getting sick with others... at least I should start running to the bathroom every 5 minutes.
Nothing.
I feel just as normal as usually.
I'm starting to think that after 3 pregnancies you get one for free and I'm going to spend all the time until the baby is due without any side effects.
And right now I'm probably making a dozen of pregnant women green with jealousy. :) ( Hi Rosa! :P)
Kids
Some of the nannies have been asking me very good questions about the children so I thought I should share with all the information.
How do they get along:
They all get along rather well. Owen is closest to Ruby and Ruby is closest to him except when Mia is around. Then poor Owen gets dragged into girly play. :P
Scarlet is the one who seeks most attention. She was not happy when Wolf was born but now she thinks that " he's no so stinky any more, mommy".
Because I'm not yet showing a big belly neither one of them is that interested in the new baby on the way. From my experience they only get interested when they can feel the baby move.
What should they eat:
I'd rather have them eat healthy most of the time. It can be hard... specially with Letty. But she eats with her eyes... if it's pretty, she'll eat it.
That said, they are kids... so some cookies and icecream once in a while is okay.
Wolf has a big BIG appetite so I recommend small frequent meals.
Routine and habits:
All of them get to pick what socks they want to wear.
They should not see more than one hour and a half of tv in a day. Normally they see a movie before dinner. They take turns picking what they want to see.
Owen is starting to claim his space and sometimes needs a bit of distance from the girls. He may choose a different movie from time to time and watch it by himself.
Bath time is music time. They get clean to their favourite tunes.
They are used to brush their teeth after lunch when they are at home.
Things to look out for:
-Letty likes to pick things and trying to eat them. Random things, Things like the remote or her brother's pacifier.
-Ruby tends to follow Owen everywhere and he doesn't like it when she follows him to the bathroom.He is starting to need his space.
- Wolf is a very quiet baby.He cries when he is hungry but not when he needs to be changed... you have to check him frequently.
-Owen has some daddy issues... he had a bad experience and sometimes gets a bit insecure.If he ever asks to talk to me, call me.No matter what I'm doing or where I am, call me and let him talk to me.
-Mia comes to stay with us a week or so at a time. She is usually with her other mother, Billie. When she is with us she is very polite and acts like a guest for the first day and has to be convinced that she's at home here too.
-Ruby is very shy. She feels unease around people she doesn't know that well. She also gets frightened when there are a lot of people around her. One exception: anything involving dancing... then she could not care less if the room is crowded or not.
-Scarlet likes to steal toys and chew on them.
-Mia will give her food, her toys... anything to any of them if they ask for it.
-Owen will fight anyone that makes fun of Ruby. Sometimes he bites. It's the only situation I ever saw him be aggressive.. but boy... he is very protective of her.
-Scarlet will talk to strangers. To anyone, really.
-Ruby will tell anyone who asks that her daddy is a blond girl with pretty golden hair but that she is allowed to call Andrew daddy too.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
From Apple's journal #46
Happy Valentine's day!
Ladies first so:
Janina , you have been my steady rock for so long. I know that no matter what happens you are but a phone call away, always with a loving voice to soothe me.
You are my Eva, the one that taught me what love was and took my hand when I knew nothing about it... in more than one way. :P
I love you and I hope you are having a great Valentine's day!
Andrew , a year ago you were down on one knee, asking me to marry you. My answer is an everyday "yes" to our love.
With one more baby on the way you have been adding up to the blessings in my life in so many ways that I can't say this enough: I love you and I'm so grateful you are in my life.
Happy Valentine's day, my loves!
Ladies first so:
Janina , you have been my steady rock for so long. I know that no matter what happens you are but a phone call away, always with a loving voice to soothe me.
You are my Eva, the one that taught me what love was and took my hand when I knew nothing about it... in more than one way. :P
I love you and I hope you are having a great Valentine's day!
Andrew , a year ago you were down on one knee, asking me to marry you. My answer is an everyday "yes" to our love.
With one more baby on the way you have been adding up to the blessings in my life in so many ways that I can't say this enough: I love you and I'm so grateful you are in my life.
Happy Valentine's day, my loves!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
The world hates nails!
Not all kinda of nails. Just pretty, colorful nails.
Look around you.. everywhere you see deadly traps.
It's like we don't know of any other way to open things without the need to use the tip of a nail.
Forget cooking. You'll need to claw your way into everything.
Washing your hair is dangerous too.
Even charging your phone.
And you would hope that make up product manufactures would think their costumers would probably be the kind of person that would wear nail polish... oh I think they know that.. and they enjoy making us suffer.
Are you to lazy to read that *points up* and need some visual aid?
What? You thought people that didn't exist didn't have a voice? Or hands?
Look around you.. everywhere you see deadly traps.
It's like we don't know of any other way to open things without the need to use the tip of a nail.
Forget cooking. You'll need to claw your way into everything.
Washing your hair is dangerous too.
Even charging your phone.
And you would hope that make up product manufactures would think their costumers would probably be the kind of person that would wear nail polish... oh I think they know that.. and they enjoy making us suffer.
Are you to lazy to read that *points up* and need some visual aid?
What? You thought people that didn't exist didn't have a voice? Or hands?
From Apple's journal #45
Yes. A Nanny.
Let's face it... with Wolf being so tiny and hungry all the time there are times that I have to clone myself in order to be everywhere I need to be.
As a result I turn into zombie-mommy and it's not the first time one of my kids leaves the house with a different sock in each foot or with the jacket on backwards.
I hired a nanny because I needed one.
Well, anyway, today is her first day and I'm curious to see how the children are going to react to her.
I told them yesterday that a nice lady was going to come and be with them for a while and that they needed to be polite, obey and be nice to her.
Letty immediately asked if the "nice lady" would give her cookies.
Owen said that I should tell her that he dresses himself and takes baths on his own. He is growing up and starting to claim his personal space.
Ruby was worried that having a nanny meant that she wasn't going to have dance lessons anymore and as soon as I told her that Halie would be taking her to the studio everyday she was happy.
Wolf's opinion was, as it always is, a soft cry for food.
Oh I long for the day when I can start to introduce him to solid food so I can go outside with him and not have to strip in public every two hours. :P
Let's face it... with Wolf being so tiny and hungry all the time there are times that I have to clone myself in order to be everywhere I need to be.
As a result I turn into zombie-mommy and it's not the first time one of my kids leaves the house with a different sock in each foot or with the jacket on backwards.
I hired a nanny because I needed one.
Well, anyway, today is her first day and I'm curious to see how the children are going to react to her.
I told them yesterday that a nice lady was going to come and be with them for a while and that they needed to be polite, obey and be nice to her.
Letty immediately asked if the "nice lady" would give her cookies.
Owen said that I should tell her that he dresses himself and takes baths on his own. He is growing up and starting to claim his personal space.
Ruby was worried that having a nanny meant that she wasn't going to have dance lessons anymore and as soon as I told her that Halie would be taking her to the studio everyday she was happy.
Wolf's opinion was, as it always is, a soft cry for food.
Oh I long for the day when I can start to introduce him to solid food so I can go outside with him and not have to strip in public every two hours. :P
Monday, September 5, 2011
From Apple's journal #44
eads.
It was Ruby's dance teacher telling me to meet them at the hospital.
My little ballerina had a little accident today.
She was doing a pirouette and at the end lost her balance and landed on top of her own foot.
Poor girl... when I got to the hospital her foot was twice its normal size and she had big round tears streaming down her face.
I almost killed three nurses when they told me we had to wait two hours for the x-ray. They wanted to make sure she didn't broke anything.
Two hours for a 4 year old with a injured foot is a small eternity but she was a little angel.
I thought she was crying because it hurt... turns out she was crying because she thought she couldn't dance anymore.
So at the end of the day we went home with a twisted ankle, lots of lollipops and the promise that if she is a very good girl and stays off her feet she can go back to her twirling in a week.
It was Ruby's dance teacher telling me to meet them at the hospital.
My little ballerina had a little accident today.
She was doing a pirouette and at the end lost her balance and landed on top of her own foot.
Poor girl... when I got to the hospital her foot was twice its normal size and she had big round tears streaming down her face.
I almost killed three nurses when they told me we had to wait two hours for the x-ray. They wanted to make sure she didn't broke anything.
Two hours for a 4 year old with a injured foot is a small eternity but she was a little angel.
I thought she was crying because it hurt... turns out she was crying because she thought she couldn't dance anymore.
So at the end of the day we went home with a twisted ankle, lots of lollipops and the promise that if she is a very good girl and stays off her feet she can go back to her twirling in a week.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
From Apple's journal #43
This year my Christmas could be on a postcard.
You should see our tree.
We spent all afternoon decorating it with the kids .
That's 5 hands randomly putting stuff on the poor thing .
Then it was time to put the chocolate Santa's.. but we realised no one really like those and Letty sparked up.
Cookies - she said excited - lets put cookies instead, mommy!
So we moved to the kitchen and baked cookies. We ate a lot, hang some on the tree .
Time to cover the house in lights... because we want to make sure Santa can see us properly from the sky.
Latter on, when the kids are sleeping presents will magically appear under the tree.
After all it was done we still felt there was something missing.
So we hang pictures of the ones we love on the tree so even they are far they are close to our hearts
You should see our tree.
We spent all afternoon decorating it with the kids .
That's 5 hands randomly putting stuff on the poor thing .
Then it was time to put the chocolate Santa's.. but we realised no one really like those and Letty sparked up.
Cookies - she said excited - lets put cookies instead, mommy!
So we moved to the kitchen and baked cookies. We ate a lot, hang some on the tree .
Time to cover the house in lights... because we want to make sure Santa can see us properly from the sky.
Latter on, when the kids are sleeping presents will magically appear under the tree.
After all it was done we still felt there was something missing.
So we hang pictures of the ones we love on the tree so even they are far they are close to our hearts
Thursday, September 1, 2011
From Apple's journal #42
I hear the rain outside, gently caressing the window.
It's keeping a perfect rhythm with his heartbeat and I can't help but smile.
The bed is warm and comfy and with him sleeping so peacefully by my side it feels like the safest place on earth.
His lips tremble in an adorable way, he is lost in some dream and I can't stop myself from kissing him. Even in his sleep he kisses me back and pulls me closer, cradling me in his arms.
I lay there, my head on his chest, listening to steady sound of his breath.
I feel a wave of happiness running through me.
How did I get so lucky?
It's keeping a perfect rhythm with his heartbeat and I can't help but smile.
The bed is warm and comfy and with him sleeping so peacefully by my side it feels like the safest place on earth.
His lips tremble in an adorable way, he is lost in some dream and I can't stop myself from kissing him. Even in his sleep he kisses me back and pulls me closer, cradling me in his arms.
I lay there, my head on his chest, listening to steady sound of his breath.
I feel a wave of happiness running through me.
How did I get so lucky?
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