After giving birth to Scarlet telling Owen how do babies get inside the mommy's bellies seems like a piece of cake. The hard part is getting them out!
Those were the worst 83 hours of my life!
What? 12? It was only 12 hours? What do you mean only 12 hours?
Well, it felt like a week!
It was my first time doing stuff the traditional way...
Owen is adopted and I had a C-section with Ruby. This was my first "push-push"-all natural- really painful- birth.
I would love to say it was an wonderful experience but the truth is I turned into a little monster, yelling and cursing and crying for most of the time.
Fun times...
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
The bright side of life with Hope #3
Smile!
Sad faces, frowns... they don't make us feel better, do they?
No.. They just make us feel depressed and wrinkly.
Everyone looks better with a smile so why give that up?
Most of us spend a lot of money buying clothes to look cute, shoes to look sexy, make-up to look more attractive and we do this even when we had a bad week or when people disappoint us. We don't stop taking showers or combing our hair just because the bus was late or because we ran out of milk, right?
So why, why do we stop using something that is completely free and takes no time to put on? Why don't we smile more?
Smile, people! It's the easiest, fastest and cheapest way to look better.
With love,
Hope
Revenge's black list #3
You always know
"I'm just feeling sad, I don't know why". This, right here it's a lie.
You know! You always know!
You just don't want to admit it. Maybe because it's something small and you don't think it's worth upsetting anyone over it, maybe it's because you're afraid people will judge you for it, maybe it's just because you're ashamed of whatever is making you feel that way. You may even say you don't know because it's just too painful or scary to talk about it. But you know.
Being something tiny like having a little bit of your heart broken because your significant other still ignores simple things about your likes and dislikes making you feel like you're not worth paying attention to or something huge like having to hide away because people don't approve the part you play in the life of your loved one or of your friends, you always know.
You might try to shake it of. You might try to pretend it does not matter that much and you might say to yourself that its stupid to complicate someones life just because you feel left out... but it gets to you.
It hurts when people in your own family prefer that you stay away, it hurts when you feel you have to try to not be seen with a friend because someone might recognize you and it hurts when someone you love has to spend time away from you just because their grandmother is in town and cannot know about you.
So go ahead and lie. See if that makes things better and let me know how well that turns out.
It's so frustrating! Why don't you just say what's on your mind? Open your mouth and speak!
Don't you think people deserve the truth? Don't you think you deserve it too?
Let's see... First pick up your phone and have this conversation:
-Hello, grandfather... since you did not have the courage to tell me that you don't want me in your house and sent grandma to do your dirty work, I'm just going to assume she didn't understand what you were saying and this is all a misunderstanding. So guess what... I'm going to visit you and call you on your birthday and invite you to lunch sometime soon. Then we're going to see if you're more ashamed of your granddaughter or more ashamed to tell me to my face that you don't want me around.
Good. Next go to your friend and explain to him that you really enjoy his company but you feel very uncomfortable going with him to places where people he knows might see you because you know that would make his life more complicated. Explain that you will not be going with him to certain places not because you don't like it but because you do not want to be responsible for messing up his life. Be sure to make him understand that it is sweet of him to invite you like there was nothing to worry about and that you do want to spend time with him but you prefer doing it in a way that won't get him into trouble.
Ok... moving along. Grab your special someone a have a little chat:
- I totally respect that you don't want to tell your grandmother about us but I think it sucks that you do it just because your mother demands that of you. Yes, I think it's time you tell your mother that pretending to be very evolved and "understanding" and then telling you that you can't tell people about me does not make her a cool mother... it just makes her a bitch. And by the way... telling me that it's very important for you that people in my family know who you are and that being with someone that is not ashamed of you it's something you've always wished for and then hiding me from your grandmother... that's what I call being a coward.
Go on try it! I bet you'll feel better in no time.
You know! You always know!
You just don't want to admit it. Maybe because it's something small and you don't think it's worth upsetting anyone over it, maybe it's because you're afraid people will judge you for it, maybe it's just because you're ashamed of whatever is making you feel that way. You may even say you don't know because it's just too painful or scary to talk about it. But you know.
Being something tiny like having a little bit of your heart broken because your significant other still ignores simple things about your likes and dislikes making you feel like you're not worth paying attention to or something huge like having to hide away because people don't approve the part you play in the life of your loved one or of your friends, you always know.
You might try to shake it of. You might try to pretend it does not matter that much and you might say to yourself that its stupid to complicate someones life just because you feel left out... but it gets to you.
It hurts when people in your own family prefer that you stay away, it hurts when you feel you have to try to not be seen with a friend because someone might recognize you and it hurts when someone you love has to spend time away from you just because their grandmother is in town and cannot know about you.
So go ahead and lie. See if that makes things better and let me know how well that turns out.
It's so frustrating! Why don't you just say what's on your mind? Open your mouth and speak!
Don't you think people deserve the truth? Don't you think you deserve it too?
Let's see... First pick up your phone and have this conversation:
-Hello, grandfather... since you did not have the courage to tell me that you don't want me in your house and sent grandma to do your dirty work, I'm just going to assume she didn't understand what you were saying and this is all a misunderstanding. So guess what... I'm going to visit you and call you on your birthday and invite you to lunch sometime soon. Then we're going to see if you're more ashamed of your granddaughter or more ashamed to tell me to my face that you don't want me around.
Good. Next go to your friend and explain to him that you really enjoy his company but you feel very uncomfortable going with him to places where people he knows might see you because you know that would make his life more complicated. Explain that you will not be going with him to certain places not because you don't like it but because you do not want to be responsible for messing up his life. Be sure to make him understand that it is sweet of him to invite you like there was nothing to worry about and that you do want to spend time with him but you prefer doing it in a way that won't get him into trouble.
Ok... moving along. Grab your special someone a have a little chat:
- I totally respect that you don't want to tell your grandmother about us but I think it sucks that you do it just because your mother demands that of you. Yes, I think it's time you tell your mother that pretending to be very evolved and "understanding" and then telling you that you can't tell people about me does not make her a cool mother... it just makes her a bitch. And by the way... telling me that it's very important for you that people in my family know who you are and that being with someone that is not ashamed of you it's something you've always wished for and then hiding me from your grandmother... that's what I call being a coward.
Go on try it! I bet you'll feel better in no time.
Revenge
Monday, March 14, 2011
From Apple's journal #13
So pretty much this is how the birth of Scarlet went:
Who? Seriously? Who made vaginas so small when they knew a WHOLE person would have to come out through there?
Who?
I'm going to break the legs of the genius that come up with the great plan of having babies living for 9 months inside our bellies, just getting bigger and bigger just so they could come out through a TINY HOLE!!!!
What were they thinking????
WHAT?
/Janina comes in the room, smiling with a glass of cold water and a pillow/
- I brought you some....
WHERE THE F*CK HAVE YOU BEEN??? WHERE ARE MY DRUGS???
-Honey, the nurse said...
I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE STUPID NURSE!!!
Just get this demon child out of me now. NOW!!!
/Apple starts sobbing /
I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I don't mean to be mean but... but...
/she blows her nose/
BUT WHAT THE HELL??? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PUSH THIS FAT PIG OUT OF ME???
- Just stay calm. You're doing great, You have to breathe.
DON'T TELL ME TO BREATHE!!! Do I look like a retarded person to you? Do you think I'm going to forget to breathe? Really?
Oh sh*t... here comes another one.... DRUGS! DRUGS NOW!!!
/Apple starts crying again/
I just want this to be over... I want to have Scarlet in my arms and go home.
/Janina steps aside to put the glass down on the table/
WHERE ARE YOU GOING????
You'll hold my hand until this is over. Do you hear me?!
/Janina quickly grabs Apple's hand only to be squished. She bites her lip to keep her from noticing she is almost breaking her fingers/
ARE YOU TRYING NOT TO LAUGH AT MY MISERY???? DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY???
/Another contraction goes by an Apple gets a few minutes of rest. The sobbing starts again/
Oh baby... baby, I'm sorry... did I hurt your hand? I'm so sorry....
MOTHERF*CKER WERE ARE THE DAMN NURSES WITH THE DRUGS????
Who? Seriously? Who made vaginas so small when they knew a WHOLE person would have to come out through there?
Who?
I'm going to break the legs of the genius that come up with the great plan of having babies living for 9 months inside our bellies, just getting bigger and bigger just so they could come out through a TINY HOLE!!!!
What were they thinking????
WHAT?
/Janina comes in the room, smiling with a glass of cold water and a pillow/
- I brought you some....
WHERE THE F*CK HAVE YOU BEEN??? WHERE ARE MY DRUGS???
-Honey, the nurse said...
I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE STUPID NURSE!!!
Just get this demon child out of me now. NOW!!!
/Apple starts sobbing /
I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I don't mean to be mean but... but...
/she blows her nose/
BUT WHAT THE HELL??? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PUSH THIS FAT PIG OUT OF ME???
- Just stay calm. You're doing great, You have to breathe.
DON'T TELL ME TO BREATHE!!! Do I look like a retarded person to you? Do you think I'm going to forget to breathe? Really?
Oh sh*t... here comes another one.... DRUGS! DRUGS NOW!!!
/Apple starts crying again/
I just want this to be over... I want to have Scarlet in my arms and go home.
/Janina steps aside to put the glass down on the table/
WHERE ARE YOU GOING????
You'll hold my hand until this is over. Do you hear me?!
/Janina quickly grabs Apple's hand only to be squished. She bites her lip to keep her from noticing she is almost breaking her fingers/
ARE YOU TRYING NOT TO LAUGH AT MY MISERY???? DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY???
/Another contraction goes by an Apple gets a few minutes of rest. The sobbing starts again/
Oh baby... baby, I'm sorry... did I hurt your hand? I'm so sorry....
MOTHERF*CKER WERE ARE THE DAMN NURSES WITH THE DRUGS????
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
From Apple's journal #12
- Mooom.... - he says, dragging the "oh" sound like he drags his feet when he doesn't want to go to bed.
- Yes honey?
- Are you going to send me away?
- Baby, you are going to spend a few days with your father. He misses you very much, you know? Like you miss him... And you're going to go on the big plane!
- But what about my room? And Ruby? And Velvet?
- What about them?
I stopped the packing to sit with Owen for a while. There was something worrying my boy and I was not going to put him on a plane without sorting it out.
- Will you give my room to the baby?
- Of course not. It's your room, Owen. It will be here when you come back. And so will Ruby. And Velvet. And I will be counting the days, missing my little man every second.
- So you'll still be my mom when I come back?
I picked him up and whipped a cookie crumble from his face.
- Owen... I will always be your mom. Nothing can change that. Don't I love you and Ruby just the same? I did not stop being Ruby's mom when I got you, right? And I will not stop being your mom because Scarlet is on her way.
He looked at me as if he was measuring my words.
Poor baby... I hate to think that he believes that I could ever abandon him. I hate that life made this child think that moms come and go.
- So Velvet is still mine?
- Velvet is ours. The whole family... So yes, he is still yours.
- And I'm still Ruby's big brother?
- Yes you are. And you know what? Pretty soon you'll be Scarlet's big brother too.
- I will?
- Yes, darling. See... not only do you keep everything you had... you are going to gain one more person to love you. Scarlet is going to love her big brother very, very much. And mommy's heart grows bigger and bigger and I love you all even more each day.
He pauses and smiles.
- Ok! But moooom....
- Yes dear.
- How is Scarlet going to get out of your belly? And how did she get there?
...
...
...
Sh*t!!!
- Yes honey?
- Are you going to send me away?
- Baby, you are going to spend a few days with your father. He misses you very much, you know? Like you miss him... And you're going to go on the big plane!
- But what about my room? And Ruby? And Velvet?
- What about them?
I stopped the packing to sit with Owen for a while. There was something worrying my boy and I was not going to put him on a plane without sorting it out.
- Will you give my room to the baby?
- Of course not. It's your room, Owen. It will be here when you come back. And so will Ruby. And Velvet. And I will be counting the days, missing my little man every second.
- So you'll still be my mom when I come back?
I picked him up and whipped a cookie crumble from his face.
- Owen... I will always be your mom. Nothing can change that. Don't I love you and Ruby just the same? I did not stop being Ruby's mom when I got you, right? And I will not stop being your mom because Scarlet is on her way.
He looked at me as if he was measuring my words.
Poor baby... I hate to think that he believes that I could ever abandon him. I hate that life made this child think that moms come and go.
- So Velvet is still mine?
- Velvet is ours. The whole family... So yes, he is still yours.
- And I'm still Ruby's big brother?
- Yes you are. And you know what? Pretty soon you'll be Scarlet's big brother too.
- I will?
- Yes, darling. See... not only do you keep everything you had... you are going to gain one more person to love you. Scarlet is going to love her big brother very, very much. And mommy's heart grows bigger and bigger and I love you all even more each day.
He pauses and smiles.
- Ok! But moooom....
- Yes dear.
- How is Scarlet going to get out of your belly? And how did she get there?
...
...
...
Sh*t!!!
Friday, March 4, 2011
From Apple's journal #11
Owen did not like the news, Ruby is still too little to understand and I was delighted.
I'm going to have another baby girl and she is in perfect health. Her heart is strong, she is growing according to the little chart the doctor had, she kicks and she punches and sometimes has hiccups.
When I told Owen he made the same face he does when I put broccoli in his plate and said something about girls being too little and taking way too long to grow up.
Poor baby, I really need to find him a play date besides Velvet. I'm afraid he feels alone when Janina's kids aren't around. He asks about Gabriel all the time.
He asks about his brother, Maynard too... sometimes he stops what he is doing and pulls at my sleeve.
"Is May-nerd big yet? Can he play?"
I tell him he is still little. Even smaller then Ruby and he goes back to what he was doing.
I guess he is going to have a big surprise in the next few weeks... Ruby is starting to crawl all over and pretty soon she will be following him around. I bet he will be wishing she didn't grow up so fast when she is stealing his toys and stalking him. :P
I'm going to have another baby girl and she is in perfect health. Her heart is strong, she is growing according to the little chart the doctor had, she kicks and she punches and sometimes has hiccups.
When I told Owen he made the same face he does when I put broccoli in his plate and said something about girls being too little and taking way too long to grow up.
Poor baby, I really need to find him a play date besides Velvet. I'm afraid he feels alone when Janina's kids aren't around. He asks about Gabriel all the time.
He asks about his brother, Maynard too... sometimes he stops what he is doing and pulls at my sleeve.
"Is May-nerd big yet? Can he play?"
I tell him he is still little. Even smaller then Ruby and he goes back to what he was doing.
I guess he is going to have a big surprise in the next few weeks... Ruby is starting to crawl all over and pretty soon she will be following him around. I bet he will be wishing she didn't grow up so fast when she is stealing his toys and stalking him. :P
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