From Apple's journal #7

For the last few days my life has been like this:

08:22 Apple changed Ruby's diaper.
08:35 Apple fed Ruby.
08:42 Apple changed Ruby's clothes because she throws up all the time.
08:45 Apple put Ruby to sleep.
09:03 Apple changed Ruby's diaper... again.
09:07 Apple runs to the bathroom, trying to take a bath.
09:14 Apple runs half naked out of the bathroom because she heard a noise and thought if could be the baby chocking on something.
09:19 Apple gets in the bathtub.
09:20 Apple runs out again because she thought she heard Ruby crying.
09:32 Apple gives up and takes the baby with her to the bathroom.
09:43 Apple washes her hair while singing lullabies.
09:42 Apple gets out of the bathtub with shampoo on her hair, dripping, because Ruby cried.
10:19 Apple thinks to herself that she is obsessing about the baby and that is not healthy. She does this while sitting naked, her hair stiff from the shampoo with a very happy baby sleeping peacefully in her arms.

From Apple's journal #6

What a mess!
Yesterday I started having some pains so I run to the hospital thinking it was about time little Ruby came out and play.
And it was... but not as planned.
The little devil decided she rather stay for a little while and changed positions getting all caught up in her umbilical cord.
The doctor did not want to take any chances with a natural birth so I was rushed to an operation room and they performed a c-section.
They gave me something so I was half asleep and could not see most of it.
I remembered I got really angry when they didn't let me see her after she was born and they put me to sleep.
I finally woke up in a room, by myself and no baby.
I think I might have scared two or three nurses when I demanded roaring to see my Ruby that second.
I think I might actually threaten some of them... I remember saying something about hunting them down and pretend it was zombie day...
You have to understand I had no idea where my daughter was, if she was ok... I just kept wishing nothing had gone terrible wrong.
Of course all that worrying and panicking was for nothing. In less than 5 minutes I had the most beautiful, healthy and oh-so-hungry baby girl in my arms.
She grabbed my finger and that was it. She was mine and I was hers. A unbreakable bond was made and I knew I was a mom.
I nestled her in my arms spend the rest of the time looking at her while she was feeding.

From Apple's journal #5

Clothes in a bag - check
Baby stuff for two months even though I'm only going to be one day at the hospital- check
Magazines - check
Soothing music - check
Chocolate to bribe the nurses - check
Fluffy pillows - Check
Courage and tranquility to pop a baby in to this world - ...
...
Sh*t, I knew I was forgetting something!

From Apple's journal #4

Today, my dear friends.. today I cried because I couldn't find matching socks.
I did not just cry... I sobbed like a two year old who lost her favorite teddy bear.
I cried because, in that moment, in my mind not being able to find two blue socks meant I was going to be a horrible mother.
Why? Why would anyone jump to that conclusion over missing socks? Hormones, that's why.
I'm so looking forward to have a little Ruby crying and pooping all the time BUT this pregnancy stuff is killing me.
I bump my belly against everything, I can't use shoes that I have to tie, I'm moody and I can't seem to be able to talk about anything else. I open my mouth and it's "baby, baby, belly, baby, i have gigantic boobs, baby, baby".
Oh dear... I want to have more kids but I'm seriously thinking of mail ordering them... if only that was possible.
Jeanne told me a little tantric snuggle would help. AH!
Tantric snuggle?
Tantric?
I'm not having *any* kind of snuggling. Ever! I'm snugg ..er... less! I'm snuggless!
I'm a pregnant celibacy poster.
Arrrggggg....
Who wants to eat icecream with me?

From Apple's journal #3

They are taking over!!!

Yes... I'm still talking about my boobs.
Really, they are getting scary!
Today took a picture of my belly just to make sure I don't forget I had one, 'cause honestly I can't see much with these inflatables I have on now.
I have trouble lacing my shoes for goodness sake!

Don't get me wrong... having big boobs has it's advantages... but I'm starting to worry about what will happen after the baby is born.
AND i bough this really cute shirt saying " I'm brewing a redhead, wish me luck" ... and it DOESN'T FIT!!!

Hello... experienced mothers??? A little advice to the newbie, please.

Revenge's black list #1

You can call me Revenge

I know... I have a bad reputation. This is not an apology, this is a warning.

I don't forgive and I don't forget ... I get even. It's not wrong, it's karmic retribution.

I'm moody and stubborn but actually pretty funny to hang out with. I can see the humor in the most tragic situation. I'll be the one making inappropriate jokes at a funeral...

I believe that if something is worth fighting for then it's worth fighting dirty for.

I'll defend what I believe in at all costs. I'll go against the whole world for something I know in my heart it's right. I won't think twice about being polite or act in a proper manner or meeting expectations.

If you treat me right you'll have a fierce guardian in me. I'll move mountains if I have to to help you along the way.

If you do me wrong I'll devote my free time to make your life a living hell until I feel that you've paid your dues. That may take a while...

I like to have a good time and I'm not ashamed of it. Actually, shame is not even a word in my dictionary. I do not allow that other people's standards get in the way of my happiness.

I live in her right shoulder. I'm the one pulling at her hair, trying to keep her from act like a fool. I yell in her ear to remind her that she is not a stupid person so she should really stop behaving like one and start believing in herself. I'm the one telling her it's ok to be just who she is and tell anyone who makes her feel small to fuck off. I'm the one who comes up with her most brilliant evil plans.

Revenge

The bright side of life with Hope #1

Hello, I'm Hope!

Welcome. I'm so happy you're reading this!

Well.. I'm always happy, really.

I'm told I see sunshine and rainbows and little butterflies everywhere.

I see the best in every situation and the good in any person.

I try very hard to be kind and joyful and optimistic. I do my best to be loving and caring at all times.

I am a firm believer in living life with a smile and sharing everything you have because joy that is shared is joy that is doubled.

I believe in second chances and third chances and fourth chances and... well, basically if at first you don't succeed just keep trying until you do. Never give up on anything or anyone.

I only feel truly comfortable knowing everyone around me is happy and has what they need.

I live on her left shoulder, closer to the heart and I whisper happy thoughts in her ear. I gently push her to see the bright side of life.

I'm the one giving her courage to put on a happy face when things don't go so well. I'm the one beaming with pride when she sees the glass half full. I'm the one telling her that everything is going to be ok.

I'm the one who makes her run around trying to save cats and dogs and tiny little bugs.

I remind her to take time to show the people that she loves that they are so important. I give her the most romantic ideas, the best ways to cheer someone up, the will to listen and help and the ability to make someone feel better no matter how much effort is needed.

With love,

Hope

From Apple's journal #2

So... I woke up today, got out of bed and jumped in the shower.
Well.. not *jumped*... dragged myself there.
All clean up I went to get dressed, toothbrush hanging from my mouth trying to find clean underwear on my bag.
And then it happened: i tried to close my bra and it refused! I tried another and just as stubbornly as the first it didn't cooperate.
Fine! Whatever. Bras are overrated... baaahhh
But... but... my dress didn't fit either! Or any of my shirts.
I ran to the mirror and saw the problem: I grew boobs overnight.
What is this pregnancy doing to me? I can't see my feet... and it's not only my belly that's getting in the way.

From Apple's journal #1

My treasure is a bright Ruby. A baby girl waiting to greet the world and turn my life upside down.
I sat down, wondering what kind of mother will I be to this wee one... What should I teach her? What should I tell her about the world? How will I make sure she knows she is loved? What kind of advice should I give her...
And then a song stared playing on the radio and it was perfect... I just stayed there, rubbing my belly, singing to her :

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance "

Ruby, I can't wait to meet you and hold you in my arms my baby girl.

Meet my friends

What?
Did you think I was joking about having people in my head?
So far I have (I'm sure more will come along and help get the party going. ):

Apple
Hope
Revenge


Don't worry... you'll get to meet them all.

Speaking to the walls

My name is Alailanible and I don't exist.
I'm a name written somewhere and a bunch of numbers on a computer.
Do you think you're any better?
Burn every paper with your name on it, erase any data that validates your existence and see how real you are.
I don't want to get you down but lets face it: if you didn't have Facebook most of your "friends" wouldn't even remember your birthday.
Now just because I don't exist doesn't mean I don't have opinions, likes, dislikes, hobbies and a favourite ice cream flavor. I have two even. Strawberry and coffee.
I'm 24 years old because that was my favorite age. I had high hopes for my life that year.
I haven't been 24 that long...
I don't like being with normal people but hate being alone.... so I come up with other people in my head to keep me company.
Seeing they are as unreal as I am we get along pretty well.
Actually... now that I think of it, if we disappeared for a whole month more people would miss them than me.
I'm not being depressive and negative, its a fact. If I would vanish from the face of the earth for a month only 4 people would notice. And two cats. And a dog.
Apple alone would have at least 32 messages in her inbox before the second week was over.
I just don't have that many people around me because my not so secret dream since I was 6 is to live in a very comfortable box, away from most human contact, with food, drinks and good internet access (when I was 6 instead of internet I wanted a lot of bubblegums).
If I wanted to get all hypochondriac on you I could say that I have been nurturing a mild case of agoraphobia for quite sometime and am now watching, like a proud mother, as it blooms into a series of crazy behaviors.
So, that's why I'm once again picking up my blog addiction.
Yes... I do feel envious of Apple's 32 messages and I too want to be missed if I disappear for a month. I just don't want to go through the hassle of having to deal with people face to face.
Because at the end of the day the way you connect with others is the only thing that makes you real and not a figment of someone's imagination.