Monday, March 14, 2011

From Apple's journal #13

So pretty much this is how the birth of Scarlet went:

Who? Seriously? Who made vaginas so small when they knew a WHOLE person would have to come out through there?
Who?
I'm going to break the legs of the genius that come up with the great plan of having babies living for 9 months inside our bellies, just getting bigger and bigger just so they could come out through a TINY HOLE!!!!
What were they thinking????
WHAT?

/Janina comes in the room, smiling with a glass of cold water and a pillow/

- I brought you some....

WHERE THE F*CK HAVE YOU BEEN??? WHERE ARE MY DRUGS???

-Honey, the nurse said...

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE STUPID NURSE!!!
Just get this demon child out of me now. NOW!!!

/Apple starts sobbing /
I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I don't mean to be mean but... but...
/she blows her nose/
BUT WHAT THE HELL??? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PUSH THIS FAT PIG OUT OF ME???

- Just stay calm. You're doing great, You have to breathe.

DON'T TELL ME TO BREATHE!!! Do I look like a retarded person to you? Do you think I'm going to forget to breathe? Really?
Oh sh*t... here comes another one.... DRUGS! DRUGS NOW!!!

/Apple starts crying again/

I just want this to be over... I want to have Scarlet in my arms and go home.

/Janina steps aside to put the glass down on the table/

WHERE ARE YOU GOING????
You'll hold my hand until this is over. Do you hear me?!

/Janina quickly grabs Apple's hand only to be squished. She bites her lip to keep her from noticing she is almost breaking her fingers/

ARE YOU TRYING NOT TO LAUGH AT MY MISERY???? DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY???

/Another contraction goes by an Apple gets a few minutes of rest. The sobbing starts again/

Oh baby... baby, I'm sorry... did I hurt your hand? I'm so sorry....
MOTHERF*CKER WERE ARE THE DAMN NURSES WITH THE DRUGS????

No comments: