The fireplace looks lively with bright orange flames.
I have a hot bag under my feet. Really hot. To prevent accidental burning of toes I have 4 socks on each foot.
I'm wearing a jacket and I have a blanket over my legs.
By my side I have not one but two smoking cups of tea.
Leaning against my leg there is a warm dog sleeping.
I'd say I'm well prepared for a cold night.
Friday, November 4, 2011
From Apple's journal #62
*Apple climbs into bed after putting Chance and Roderick in their cribs.
She doesn't bother taking off her clothes, collapsing in the oversize
bed with a sigh of relief.
With her head buried in the pillow she can still hear Andrew finishing up the story he was reading the rest of the kids.
He always deviated from the books. The story could start off by being the little red ridding hood but by the second page he read ridding hood was in fact a ninja and the wolf kept the forest safe for the little animals and chase off any hunters that might come along with the help of a butterfly fairy and a retired pirate.
The funniest part is that he still would turn the pages of the book like he was actually reading.
She smiled as she heard him finish Beauty and the Beast with a "and then Belle and the prince that has no name so it must be Voldemort in disguise went to a furry convention on a cruise to the Bahamas all the rats in their castle lived happily ever after because they left Cinderella taking care of the place".
Those kids would be disappointed when they actually read the real stories by themselves and would beg him to tell his version of it again and again.
Then she heard him putting them to bed. One by one.
Each had his own ritual.
He would tuck Owen and ask if that night he wanted the light on or off. Off, please. Goodnight buddy. Good night dad.
He would twirl Ruby around to her bed, turn on her ballerina music box and tell her to be careful with the pirouettes in her dreams as he kissed her nose.
He would arrange the 12 stuffed animals around Scarlet in her bed and make sure there was some crumbles in a plate by the window for the cookie fairy. Then he would kiss her cheeks and her forehead and whisper "sweet dreams, cookie monster".
Finally he would put down Wolf in his bed, ruffle his hair and pull gently at his ears as the child pulled at his. He would turn on the night light and the mobile on top on the bed and tell him to have fun being naughty in his dreams so that he could be a good boy in the morning.
Apple listened carefully, already knowing the words he was saying by heart and turned around in the big bed, waiting for him to come through the door.*
Come here. With all that's been going on I miss you.
I want you to put me to bed as well.
I don't need a story. I just need your lips on mine and your arms around me.
With her head buried in the pillow she can still hear Andrew finishing up the story he was reading the rest of the kids.
He always deviated from the books. The story could start off by being the little red ridding hood but by the second page he read ridding hood was in fact a ninja and the wolf kept the forest safe for the little animals and chase off any hunters that might come along with the help of a butterfly fairy and a retired pirate.
The funniest part is that he still would turn the pages of the book like he was actually reading.
She smiled as she heard him finish Beauty and the Beast with a "and then Belle and the prince that has no name so it must be Voldemort in disguise went to a furry convention on a cruise to the Bahamas all the rats in their castle lived happily ever after because they left Cinderella taking care of the place".
Those kids would be disappointed when they actually read the real stories by themselves and would beg him to tell his version of it again and again.
Then she heard him putting them to bed. One by one.
Each had his own ritual.
He would tuck Owen and ask if that night he wanted the light on or off. Off, please. Goodnight buddy. Good night dad.
He would twirl Ruby around to her bed, turn on her ballerina music box and tell her to be careful with the pirouettes in her dreams as he kissed her nose.
He would arrange the 12 stuffed animals around Scarlet in her bed and make sure there was some crumbles in a plate by the window for the cookie fairy. Then he would kiss her cheeks and her forehead and whisper "sweet dreams, cookie monster".
Finally he would put down Wolf in his bed, ruffle his hair and pull gently at his ears as the child pulled at his. He would turn on the night light and the mobile on top on the bed and tell him to have fun being naughty in his dreams so that he could be a good boy in the morning.
Apple listened carefully, already knowing the words he was saying by heart and turned around in the big bed, waiting for him to come through the door.*
Come here. With all that's been going on I miss you.
I want you to put me to bed as well.
I don't need a story. I just need your lips on mine and your arms around me.
From Apple's journal #61
Owen is 9 already.
My little man is not so little anymore.
He still daydreams about fire trucks and he still covers the living room with blankets while building his forts but he does not sleep with the light on anymore and he gets ready by himself, choosing his own outfit and taking care of his hair.
Sometimes I can see a glimpse of the man he'll grow up to be in the tenderness he shows his little sisters when they stretch his patience or in the way he helps Wolf when he falls down.
All my children have their strengths... their "special powers". Owen's is definitely his ability to care for others. His kindness and attention. He is the perfect big brother and he embraces his role whole heartedly.
I'm so proud of him and of what he has became and if I do feel a sting of pain for seeing him grow up so fast I must also admit that I can't wait to meet the grown-up version of him.
My little man is not so little anymore.
He still daydreams about fire trucks and he still covers the living room with blankets while building his forts but he does not sleep with the light on anymore and he gets ready by himself, choosing his own outfit and taking care of his hair.
Sometimes I can see a glimpse of the man he'll grow up to be in the tenderness he shows his little sisters when they stretch his patience or in the way he helps Wolf when he falls down.
All my children have their strengths... their "special powers". Owen's is definitely his ability to care for others. His kindness and attention. He is the perfect big brother and he embraces his role whole heartedly.
I'm so proud of him and of what he has became and if I do feel a sting of pain for seeing him grow up so fast I must also admit that I can't wait to meet the grown-up version of him.
From Apple's journal #60
Chance is the happiest baby I have.
She giggles, she laughs, she chortles, she chuckles, she grins. She spends most of her time with huge smile plastered on her face, drooling happily.
She is also the fussiest baby I have.
She refuses to sleep longer than 2 hours, she doesn't eat as much as I would like her to and when she is not dazzling the world with her brilliant good mood she howls, she cries like she is being tortured. Luckily these moments are very short lived... but they are intense and frequent.
She's a master at keeping me from doing anything else so things around the house have been getting kind of sloppy.
Today, for example, I realised that the only clean shirt I had for Roderick was a rather inappropriate one.
I put it on thinking "oh who cares, he can't read it anyway".
I'm tired and my brain a bit sluggish so it took me a few seconds to catch up to reality and understand why the hell was Owen (who can read perfectly) asking me what a blow job was.
I looked at him blankly, hoping I misunderstood what he asked.
He pointed at the babbling baby on my arms and read: " All daddy wanted was a blowjob", then he looked at me and continued: "what's a blowjob mommy?".
I need to go do some laundry. NOW.
She giggles, she laughs, she chortles, she chuckles, she grins. She spends most of her time with huge smile plastered on her face, drooling happily.
She is also the fussiest baby I have.
She refuses to sleep longer than 2 hours, she doesn't eat as much as I would like her to and when she is not dazzling the world with her brilliant good mood she howls, she cries like she is being tortured. Luckily these moments are very short lived... but they are intense and frequent.
She's a master at keeping me from doing anything else so things around the house have been getting kind of sloppy.
Today, for example, I realised that the only clean shirt I had for Roderick was a rather inappropriate one.
I put it on thinking "oh who cares, he can't read it anyway".
I'm tired and my brain a bit sluggish so it took me a few seconds to catch up to reality and understand why the hell was Owen (who can read perfectly) asking me what a blow job was.
I looked at him blankly, hoping I misunderstood what he asked.
He pointed at the babbling baby on my arms and read: " All daddy wanted was a blowjob", then he looked at me and continued: "what's a blowjob mommy?".
I need to go do some laundry. NOW.
From Apple's journal #59
When Ruby was born there were some complications and I was unconscious for the whole thing.
When Scarlet was born I was scared out of my mind.
When Wolf was born I was nervous and a bit heartbroken because Andrew could not be there with me.
When Roderick was born I thought I had no one to take care of my children while I was in the hospital and Andrew didn't make it in time but I was calm and things went smoothly.
Now, with Chance, I had a nanny for my kids that kept bringing me the drawings they were making for me and that made the whole thing into an adventure for them *and* I had Andrew holding my hand all the time.
It was a walk in the park. Nice doctors, nice nurses, plenty of conversation and laughs.
The hours flew by and in a heartbeat I had a beautiful baby girl in my arms and I was ready to go home.
Andrew, on the other hand, looked like he was about to have a heart attack the whole time.
It was his first time and he kept fluffing my pillows, bringing me ice chips. "Do you want anything?" "Do you need anything?" "Is there anything I can do to help?"
Between contractions I looked at him and laughed... I could not help it. He was white as a ghost, his hands were shaking and his voice cracked when he said "good job muffin".
The nurses kept making jokes " oh poor thing... after this he won't be making you any more babies, Apple!".
He must have asked me if I was okay a thousand times.
When it was time to push I think he would have collapsed on the floor if he was not so concentrated in helping me. I don't think anything could have ripped him away from me at that time. If the floor beneath his feet disappeared he would have learn how to float to keep holding my hand.
And when the nurse put Chance in his arms, I'm sorry to say it this way but there is no other way to describe it : he cried like a little bitch. And I love him even more for it.
When Scarlet was born I was scared out of my mind.
When Wolf was born I was nervous and a bit heartbroken because Andrew could not be there with me.
When Roderick was born I thought I had no one to take care of my children while I was in the hospital and Andrew didn't make it in time but I was calm and things went smoothly.
Now, with Chance, I had a nanny for my kids that kept bringing me the drawings they were making for me and that made the whole thing into an adventure for them *and* I had Andrew holding my hand all the time.
It was a walk in the park. Nice doctors, nice nurses, plenty of conversation and laughs.
The hours flew by and in a heartbeat I had a beautiful baby girl in my arms and I was ready to go home.
Andrew, on the other hand, looked like he was about to have a heart attack the whole time.
It was his first time and he kept fluffing my pillows, bringing me ice chips. "Do you want anything?" "Do you need anything?" "Is there anything I can do to help?"
Between contractions I looked at him and laughed... I could not help it. He was white as a ghost, his hands were shaking and his voice cracked when he said "good job muffin".
The nurses kept making jokes " oh poor thing... after this he won't be making you any more babies, Apple!".
He must have asked me if I was okay a thousand times.
When it was time to push I think he would have collapsed on the floor if he was not so concentrated in helping me. I don't think anything could have ripped him away from me at that time. If the floor beneath his feet disappeared he would have learn how to float to keep holding my hand.
And when the nurse put Chance in his arms, I'm sorry to say it this way but there is no other way to describe it : he cried like a little bitch. And I love him even more for it.
From Apple's journal #58
Today was one of those perfect days.
Total bliss.
B is for Beauty
Waking up to a beautiful sunrise. The trees outside are starting to bloom and Nature is taking on it's colours again.
Went to wake the kids and Owen was already up, playing with Wolf. Walking in on them laughing as Owen tickled his little brother.
In the bathroom Ruby was tying Scarlet's hair with a red ribbon while the two of them talked about their kittens.
Walking into the kitchen and there was Andrew, pouring cereals into bowls with one hand, bouncing a smiling Roderick with the other.
L is for Love
Hearing Andrew shout: "kids, mom's up!" and hear them flock to the kitchen and give me good morning kisses.
Being handed a babbling baby by my husband as he pulls a chair for me and kisses my shoulder before pouring me a glass of orange juice.
Not being able to stop smiling because I could not imagine my life being more perfect.
I is for Intimacy
Andrew telling me that we were going out for a breakfast date as soon as Willow got here and whispering in my ear that he missed having me all for himself.
Feeling him getting into the shower behind me and stand under the warm water with his arms around me and talk about those little nothings that make us laugh.
S is for Secret
Sneaking out of the house to avoid disturbing the children busy with their homework.
Running outside giggling like kids and kissing in the middle of the street with the sun on our faces.
Sharing a delicious breakfast on a hidden spot, away from the world while making plans that belong only to us.
S is for Serenity
Falling asleep in Andrew's arms in the fading afternoon with Wolf curled up in my lap and Scarlet's head resting on my leg as the rest of the children watch The Lion King.
I'm going to be cheesy and say it: today was a fairytale .
Total bliss.
B is for Beauty
Waking up to a beautiful sunrise. The trees outside are starting to bloom and Nature is taking on it's colours again.
Went to wake the kids and Owen was already up, playing with Wolf. Walking in on them laughing as Owen tickled his little brother.
In the bathroom Ruby was tying Scarlet's hair with a red ribbon while the two of them talked about their kittens.
Walking into the kitchen and there was Andrew, pouring cereals into bowls with one hand, bouncing a smiling Roderick with the other.
L is for Love
Hearing Andrew shout: "kids, mom's up!" and hear them flock to the kitchen and give me good morning kisses.
Being handed a babbling baby by my husband as he pulls a chair for me and kisses my shoulder before pouring me a glass of orange juice.
Not being able to stop smiling because I could not imagine my life being more perfect.
I is for Intimacy
Andrew telling me that we were going out for a breakfast date as soon as Willow got here and whispering in my ear that he missed having me all for himself.
Feeling him getting into the shower behind me and stand under the warm water with his arms around me and talk about those little nothings that make us laugh.
S is for Secret
Sneaking out of the house to avoid disturbing the children busy with their homework.
Running outside giggling like kids and kissing in the middle of the street with the sun on our faces.
Sharing a delicious breakfast on a hidden spot, away from the world while making plans that belong only to us.
S is for Serenity
Falling asleep in Andrew's arms in the fading afternoon with Wolf curled up in my lap and Scarlet's head resting on my leg as the rest of the children watch The Lion King.
I'm going to be cheesy and say it: today was a fairytale .
From Apple's journal #57
First day of school for my children and I already want to bite someone.
Can you believe that some stupid kid pushed Ruby to the ground?
She came home with a nasty cut on her knee and crying about how she doesn't want to school any more.
I swear if I find who did it we are going to have a looong conversation. What kind of parents raises someone that hits weaker children?
What kind of example does that child have at home to behave like that?
Maybe the parents just don't care...
Maybe there are no parents and that child lives alone.
Maybe there is a lonely child out there, somewhere, just acting out, waiting to be noticed, to have someone who will take care of her/him.
...
Wait.
How did I get to the "by kobe, I want to adopt that child and show her/him a better world" so fast???
Can you believe that some stupid kid pushed Ruby to the ground?
She came home with a nasty cut on her knee and crying about how she doesn't want to school any more.
I swear if I find who did it we are going to have a looong conversation. What kind of parents raises someone that hits weaker children?
What kind of example does that child have at home to behave like that?
Maybe the parents just don't care...
Maybe there are no parents and that child lives alone.
Maybe there is a lonely child out there, somewhere, just acting out, waiting to be noticed, to have someone who will take care of her/him.
...
Wait.
How did I get to the "by kobe, I want to adopt that child and show her/him a better world" so fast???
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Guess what
Guess what I haven't been doing this night.
That's right: sleeping.
I have however been scribbling, doodling and typing.
5086 words are already down and I'm stepping away from the computer right now because this is, as I suspected, immensely life consuming.
I already have maps and clumps of words that only make sense in my head and stuff scratched and written again and scratched again. I'm going to be eaten alive.. I just know it.
This was not a good idea. I always knew that the day I started giving them permission to come to life my life would not be my own anymore.
And I'm already stressing out because I have to kill someone's mother. I keep telling myself that the lady is already kind of old and that it was her time but part of me is still going on about how I'm the creator of the universe and that I could save her.
Illusions of grandeur give me a great deal of guilt trips.
And I have to learn about ships and wine. I don't know anything about ships and wine. Why couldn't they make cookies and travel by bicycle?
And I have to make a map of two whole worlds so I don't get lost.
How am I ever going to be able to turn out my brain?
That's right: sleeping.
I have however been scribbling, doodling and typing.
5086 words are already down and I'm stepping away from the computer right now because this is, as I suspected, immensely life consuming.
I already have maps and clumps of words that only make sense in my head and stuff scratched and written again and scratched again. I'm going to be eaten alive.. I just know it.
This was not a good idea. I always knew that the day I started giving them permission to come to life my life would not be my own anymore.
And I'm already stressing out because I have to kill someone's mother. I keep telling myself that the lady is already kind of old and that it was her time but part of me is still going on about how I'm the creator of the universe and that I could save her.
Illusions of grandeur give me a great deal of guilt trips.
And I have to learn about ships and wine. I don't know anything about ships and wine. Why couldn't they make cookies and travel by bicycle?
And I have to make a map of two whole worlds so I don't get lost.
How am I ever going to be able to turn out my brain?
Making up my mind
I decided to join the Nanowrimo movement but I can't make up my mind.
I have 5 stories, 5 different worlds and they are all fighting with each other to see who gets to be written.
I also have all those little people living inside my head complaining that if I'm going to write 50000 words of anything in a month I should write about them, They have stuff to do, places to go, kids to raise and homework that should have been done last week.
I keep jumping from one thing to another and I can't concentrate because when I think I finally chose one all the other revolt against me and make it impossible for me to write whatever I was going to.
I don't know how those people who write books for a living manage to do it. How do they deal with having that much people claiming their attention and be able to get something done?
And if it's bad now it will get worst because the more attention I give to an idea, a character or a voice be more greedy it becomes.
It grows in size and in volume and pretty soon I can't even think properly with all the noise in my head.
So I decided I'm not going to chose one. I will not pick favorites and everyone will have to share my time.
I will keep the goal: 50000 words in a month but I will not be pouring them all into a novel. I will be writing them all at the same time and try not to go completely mad at the same time.
Since this decision I was able to stop opening and closing open office documents without writing a single line and actually write 3000 words. 3115 to be exact.
I will not end the month of November with a novel but I will write and I'll actually start putting on paper the stories that I've been daydreaming about but never got around to actually write them.
I'll probably be consumed by my characters before the 15th.
And I'm really afraid they won't let me sleep.
And this is a really bad month to do this because I just discovered minecraft and I'm kind of addicted to it.
Ahhh.. chaotic and impossible, just the way I like it!
I have 5 stories, 5 different worlds and they are all fighting with each other to see who gets to be written.
I also have all those little people living inside my head complaining that if I'm going to write 50000 words of anything in a month I should write about them, They have stuff to do, places to go, kids to raise and homework that should have been done last week.
I keep jumping from one thing to another and I can't concentrate because when I think I finally chose one all the other revolt against me and make it impossible for me to write whatever I was going to.
I don't know how those people who write books for a living manage to do it. How do they deal with having that much people claiming their attention and be able to get something done?
And if it's bad now it will get worst because the more attention I give to an idea, a character or a voice be more greedy it becomes.
It grows in size and in volume and pretty soon I can't even think properly with all the noise in my head.
So I decided I'm not going to chose one. I will not pick favorites and everyone will have to share my time.
I will keep the goal: 50000 words in a month but I will not be pouring them all into a novel. I will be writing them all at the same time and try not to go completely mad at the same time.
Since this decision I was able to stop opening and closing open office documents without writing a single line and actually write 3000 words. 3115 to be exact.
I will not end the month of November with a novel but I will write and I'll actually start putting on paper the stories that I've been daydreaming about but never got around to actually write them.
I'll probably be consumed by my characters before the 15th.
And I'm really afraid they won't let me sleep.
And this is a really bad month to do this because I just discovered minecraft and I'm kind of addicted to it.
Ahhh.. chaotic and impossible, just the way I like it!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Scarlet says #1 - What is your favorite animal?
My favourite animal is the unicorn .
Unicorn !
Unicorns are very pretty!
They are like horses but more magical.
They have a horn and they can make flowers grow everywhere.
Unicorns eat cookies and puke rainbows. It's not gross because it's pretty.
I want one. A pink one.
He could sleep under my bed.
Unicorns don't poop so they are good pets.
And I could ride my unicorn instead of buying a car when I'm older.
Unicorn !
Unicorns are very pretty!
They are like horses but more magical.
They have a horn and they can make flowers grow everywhere.
Unicorns eat cookies and puke rainbows. It's not gross because it's pretty.
I want one. A pink one.
He could sleep under my bed.
Unicorns don't poop so they are good pets.
And I could ride my unicorn instead of buying a car when I'm older.
Two more
I have two more imaginary people I'd like you to meet.
You all know Apple by now and by you all I mean all the google-boots that like to come to my blog and take a nap.
I like them, they are like very clean virtual pets that instead of dead mice bring you people looking for "having sex on a building", "difference between gender and sex" and my favorite: "cat depression makes me cry".
Now, I have two more imaginary people that want to play around. I'm starting to think that this three bedroom-blog is going to get very crowded. I might have to think about a second floor and more bathrooms.
Anyway, just to let you know that there will be a 4 year old Scarlet running around and a Willow learning to live with some very predictable house guests.
You all know Apple by now and by you all I mean all the google-boots that like to come to my blog and take a nap.
I like them, they are like very clean virtual pets that instead of dead mice bring you people looking for "having sex on a building", "difference between gender and sex" and my favorite: "cat depression makes me cry".
Now, I have two more imaginary people that want to play around. I'm starting to think that this three bedroom-blog is going to get very crowded. I might have to think about a second floor and more bathrooms.
Anyway, just to let you know that there will be a 4 year old Scarlet running around and a Willow learning to live with some very predictable house guests.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Banana Republic is the only way to judge!
So i'm testing Google Scribe. You don't know what that is?
Well... They describe it as:
"Do you ever find yourself writing slowly, staring at a blinking cursor or looking for words to express yourself? Today we are happy to announce the availability of the text suggestions and autocomplete feature of Google Scribe, which is graduating from Google Labs and can now be found in Blogger in Draft.
Google Scribe helps you write more efficiently by suggesting common words and phrases as you type."
I could not decide if that sounded like a really good way to improve on my laziness skills or if it would be as annoying as that little clip from Microsoft Word. Only one solution: try it!
So the next (red) lines are going to be written using the suggestions it gives me.
Recently I have been noticing that during the summer months there is a lot of heat. It's so hot that dogs are not really relevant to the present.
How can dogs eat the food that we eat and not eat it?
That is why I am so confused about the difference between dogs and humans.
The main reason why we should not stop thinking about how different we humans are from dogs with chronic happiness syndrome is our inability to balance competing interests.
Human are incapable of handling the complex dynamics of competition between interests. When we have several things we are really passionate about we become stressed because of the lack of time in our lives. Even more important we can not avoid becoming bored with our own conscience because we end up not being able to do any of the things we are passionate about.
Dogs, on the other hand, are perfectly happy with their multiple interests. They like to eat, play and sleep and they do it. All day long!
That's why dogs are better at being happy.
OK... that was interesting! It's quite challenging actually. It's hard to keep a coherent speech while it gives you several sugestions that are really weird.
The following (blue) lines are going to be written by simply choosing the first option it gives me.
Let us suppose that in the majority of cases the patient is still in a state of high alert. I'm not a fan of dark chocolate but I can not deny that I love quotes and sayings about life and icecream.
The first thing I saw was a bunch of people who share your desire to eat and visit with some of your readers.
I have a small amount of the tax year. I do!
Don't tell me that I could not vote for the best zombie! I can vouch for any zombie movie I have ever seen.
Furthermore the whole of each row of graphs in your life is not determined by your doctor.
Be sure to take a good look just like you would in a more general level of competence.
Please note that the same is valid for small values and the group of patients with gastric cancer.
Banana Republic is the only way to judge!
Oh, I'm in love with this new functionality. I'll be using it a LOT.
Well... They describe it as:
"Do you ever find yourself writing slowly, staring at a blinking cursor or looking for words to express yourself? Today we are happy to announce the availability of the text suggestions and autocomplete feature of Google Scribe, which is graduating from Google Labs and can now be found in Blogger in Draft.
Google Scribe helps you write more efficiently by suggesting common words and phrases as you type."
I could not decide if that sounded like a really good way to improve on my laziness skills or if it would be as annoying as that little clip from Microsoft Word. Only one solution: try it!
So the next (red) lines are going to be written using the suggestions it gives me.
Recently I have been noticing that during the summer months there is a lot of heat. It's so hot that dogs are not really relevant to the present.
How can dogs eat the food that we eat and not eat it?
That is why I am so confused about the difference between dogs and humans.
The main reason why we should not stop thinking about how different we humans are from dogs with chronic happiness syndrome is our inability to balance competing interests.
Human are incapable of handling the complex dynamics of competition between interests. When we have several things we are really passionate about we become stressed because of the lack of time in our lives. Even more important we can not avoid becoming bored with our own conscience because we end up not being able to do any of the things we are passionate about.
Dogs, on the other hand, are perfectly happy with their multiple interests. They like to eat, play and sleep and they do it. All day long!
That's why dogs are better at being happy.
OK... that was interesting! It's quite challenging actually. It's hard to keep a coherent speech while it gives you several sugestions that are really weird.
The following (blue) lines are going to be written by simply choosing the first option it gives me.
Let us suppose that in the majority of cases the patient is still in a state of high alert. I'm not a fan of dark chocolate but I can not deny that I love quotes and sayings about life and icecream.
The first thing I saw was a bunch of people who share your desire to eat and visit with some of your readers.
I have a small amount of the tax year. I do!
Don't tell me that I could not vote for the best zombie! I can vouch for any zombie movie I have ever seen.
Furthermore the whole of each row of graphs in your life is not determined by your doctor.
Be sure to take a good look just like you would in a more general level of competence.
Please note that the same is valid for small values and the group of patients with gastric cancer.
Banana Republic is the only way to judge!
Oh, I'm in love with this new functionality. I'll be using it a LOT.
Blogs to read
I'm trying to find cool blogs to read but I'm experiencing some difficulties.
The thing is I'm trying to get away from anything that's depressing or negative and apparently most people out there are only interested in writing about slitting their wrists and complaining about life in a very dark, murky, non-fun way.
I get it... and I totally understand that once a week you just have to give in to your emo-self and write a poem about how lost in the dark you are... but I don't want to read a blog where everything is negative and gloomy. It brings me down and i'm selfish enough to swim away from those.
But I'm going to be honest: I miss interacting with the "internet beings". I miss having a conversation. I miss commenting on posts and checking to see if I got some feedback.
Right now I only have three blogs that make me truly excited to see if they have new stuff on. I need more!
The thing is I'm trying to get away from anything that's depressing or negative and apparently most people out there are only interested in writing about slitting their wrists and complaining about life in a very dark, murky, non-fun way.
I get it... and I totally understand that once a week you just have to give in to your emo-self and write a poem about how lost in the dark you are... but I don't want to read a blog where everything is negative and gloomy. It brings me down and i'm selfish enough to swim away from those.
But I'm going to be honest: I miss interacting with the "internet beings". I miss having a conversation. I miss commenting on posts and checking to see if I got some feedback.
Right now I only have three blogs that make me truly excited to see if they have new stuff on. I need more!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
The joys of being crazy #2 - Love
I often think about love. About how easy it was for me to forget all those ideas I had.
Not forget... I still have them, I just find them extremely unpractical.
Relationships were brushed from my mind because I believe I have become one of those people who can't live love in all that ideal fluorescence I thought I should.
I often think I don't deserve to be loved. (Excuse me while I paint my hair black and chose some emo clothes)
It's not a self-esteem issue. I think I have quite a healthy dose of that.
It's not because I'm not pretty or because I'm not interesting.
It's because I'm not all here. I feel whoever got me would feel scammed. A bit like the kid who gets the toy used as a tester at the shop... people have played with it over and over again and now the batteries are gone.
Ok... that sounds like I'm some sort of slut who has been used by many and that was not my point.
The point is I'm exhausted. Not only from having bad experiences but mostly from having to deal with myself and all my craziness.
I'm unworthy because I can't love according to my standards. I lost the innocence that you need to have in order to give yourself completely.
Now I can only connect with people if I'm confident I can hide all my twisted bits.
Honesty is no longer an option for me.
If I'm true to myself, it never was.
Not forget... I still have them, I just find them extremely unpractical.
Relationships were brushed from my mind because I believe I have become one of those people who can't live love in all that ideal fluorescence I thought I should.
I often think I don't deserve to be loved. (Excuse me while I paint my hair black and chose some emo clothes)
It's not a self-esteem issue. I think I have quite a healthy dose of that.
It's not because I'm not pretty or because I'm not interesting.
It's because I'm not all here. I feel whoever got me would feel scammed. A bit like the kid who gets the toy used as a tester at the shop... people have played with it over and over again and now the batteries are gone.
Ok... that sounds like I'm some sort of slut who has been used by many and that was not my point.
The point is I'm exhausted. Not only from having bad experiences but mostly from having to deal with myself and all my craziness.
I'm unworthy because I can't love according to my standards. I lost the innocence that you need to have in order to give yourself completely.
Now I can only connect with people if I'm confident I can hide all my twisted bits.
Honesty is no longer an option for me.
If I'm true to myself, it never was.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The joys of being crazy #1 - Convenient amnesia
Oh... remember those days when something bad happened and you wallowed in pain for hours and hours?
With "convenient amnesia" you can say bye-bye to all that.
Maybe I should give you some background story.
My parents must have dropped me on my head on I was little.. or I was abducted by aliens.. don't really know. The thing is as I grow older the loose stuff in my brain starts bouncing around, knocking things down making things that where properly screwed to the walls come undone and join the "on-the-loose" gang.. And the more things are rattling in my head, the messier it is.
I'm 27 now and I'm already at that stage where I completely forget pieces of my day because they were lived by some other me.
Sounds a bit tragic... but it's not.
It's very convenient!
You see... in my crazy mind I got myself stuck in a situation where I'm living with my ex. Our relationship was not healthy before and after 129 breakups (probably more) it did not improve.
So I open my eyes and I'm on the couch.
My wrist is hurting like hell and the house is silent.
I wonder if I'm alone... a quick check upstairs tells me I'm not.
My head hurts and I'm feeling kind of dizzy so I head to the kitchen to get something to eat and find my fridge completely cleaned.
The stupid thing was still covered in lame declarations of love this morning and now it's completely white. It was scrubbed clean.
It was something I wanted to do for a while but I have been putting it off because I don't deal well with change and normally it triggers a panic response but somehow it was already done.
I was not exactly sure I had done it but it fit my hurting hand ( scrub-scrub-scrub) and my dizziness (way too much nail polish remover).
Later I found out that my ex was angry... so that fit too.
I assumed that the reaction was because I had cleaned the fridge. Yes... we are not together but any step I take in that direction is met with disapproval and a look of betrayal.
Only at night when my ex came to me and told me "I'm so sorry for what I've done today" did I understand.
Something happened today that made me so upset I switched into "i'm-cleaning-this-frickin'-fridge-Rita" but because of my convenient amnesia I have no idea what it was. So I can not feel miserable about it *and* I have a squeaky clean fridge!
Win-win situation!
With "convenient amnesia" you can say bye-bye to all that.
Maybe I should give you some background story.
My parents must have dropped me on my head on I was little.. or I was abducted by aliens.. don't really know. The thing is as I grow older the loose stuff in my brain starts bouncing around, knocking things down making things that where properly screwed to the walls come undone and join the "on-the-loose" gang.. And the more things are rattling in my head, the messier it is.
I'm 27 now and I'm already at that stage where I completely forget pieces of my day because they were lived by some other me.
Sounds a bit tragic... but it's not.
It's very convenient!
You see... in my crazy mind I got myself stuck in a situation where I'm living with my ex. Our relationship was not healthy before and after 129 breakups (probably more) it did not improve.
So I open my eyes and I'm on the couch.
My wrist is hurting like hell and the house is silent.
I wonder if I'm alone... a quick check upstairs tells me I'm not.
My head hurts and I'm feeling kind of dizzy so I head to the kitchen to get something to eat and find my fridge completely cleaned.
The stupid thing was still covered in lame declarations of love this morning and now it's completely white. It was scrubbed clean.
It was something I wanted to do for a while but I have been putting it off because I don't deal well with change and normally it triggers a panic response but somehow it was already done.
I was not exactly sure I had done it but it fit my hurting hand ( scrub-scrub-scrub) and my dizziness (way too much nail polish remover).
Later I found out that my ex was angry... so that fit too.
I assumed that the reaction was because I had cleaned the fridge. Yes... we are not together but any step I take in that direction is met with disapproval and a look of betrayal.
Only at night when my ex came to me and told me "I'm so sorry for what I've done today" did I understand.
Something happened today that made me so upset I switched into "i'm-cleaning-this-frickin'-fridge-Rita" but because of my convenient amnesia I have no idea what it was. So I can not feel miserable about it *and* I have a squeaky clean fridge!
Win-win situation!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Feeling low?
When you feel like you are all alone and that no one cares about you leave your dog " accident" locked in a room for 3 minutes then open the door. You are instantly the most important person in the whole world.
Do NOT do this with a cat.
He will meow and scratch the door, begging to be let out... then you open the door and he gives you the "oh... it's you..." look and goes sit in the corner.
Do NOT do this with a cat.
He will meow and scratch the door, begging to be let out... then you open the door and he gives you the "oh... it's you..." look and goes sit in the corner.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Hair
I cut it again.
Not much, just enough to calm my scissoring cravings.
Oh.. so many lesbian jokes to be made here, so little time.
I'm not that happy with the way it turned out and might have to go at it again tonight.
What? A hairdresser, you say?
Wait. Let me stop laughing.
Today I'm going to spend my day with my parents. I have no idea what we are going to do but I'm hoping it involves a trip someplace far away.
Lunch in Lisbon would be nice.
I'm finally understanding twitter. After 5 years or so. I'm a late bloomer.
It's one of those days... I really feel like writing something but I'm just to focused on the fact that in a few minutes I'll have to leave my precious bunker and go outside to be able to say anything remotely interesting.
And yes... I still have man popping in my 3rd floor windows. Thank the stars for curtains!
Not much, just enough to calm my scissoring cravings.
Oh.. so many lesbian jokes to be made here, so little time.
I'm not that happy with the way it turned out and might have to go at it again tonight.
What? A hairdresser, you say?
Wait. Let me stop laughing.
Today I'm going to spend my day with my parents. I have no idea what we are going to do but I'm hoping it involves a trip someplace far away.
Lunch in Lisbon would be nice.
I'm finally understanding twitter. After 5 years or so. I'm a late bloomer.
It's one of those days... I really feel like writing something but I'm just to focused on the fact that in a few minutes I'll have to leave my precious bunker and go outside to be able to say anything remotely interesting.
And yes... I still have man popping in my 3rd floor windows. Thank the stars for curtains!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Brilliant idea
At 11 pm I decided that my dinner should be brussels sprouts and a fried egg.
Then I decided that the appropriate drink to go with this gourmet dish was warm water.
Now... can someone please explain me what the hell was I thinking?
Then I decided that the appropriate drink to go with this gourmet dish was warm water.
Now... can someone please explain me what the hell was I thinking?
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
From Apple's journal #56
*Apple got home and Andrew was already there. He fell asleep in the couch waiting for her to arrive.
She put a sleeping Roderick, Wolf and Scarlet to bed and hushed Owen, Mia and Scarlet to their rooms after brushing their teeth.
She came back to the living room and smiled as she looked at Andrew. He was sitting down, his head was hanging to the right, completely lopsided and the magazine he had been reading was on the floor.
She tiptoed her way to him and slowly sat on his lap, facing him, one leg on each side of his.
A gentle rub was all it took to get his attention.*
Hey sleepy head. Don't you want to get your ass to bed before you get a very stiff neck?
*He smiled at her, making a snide remark about how he was sure that position would give him a stiff something and picked her up, carrying her to the bedroom.*
It's good to be home.
She put a sleeping Roderick, Wolf and Scarlet to bed and hushed Owen, Mia and Scarlet to their rooms after brushing their teeth.
She came back to the living room and smiled as she looked at Andrew. He was sitting down, his head was hanging to the right, completely lopsided and the magazine he had been reading was on the floor.
She tiptoed her way to him and slowly sat on his lap, facing him, one leg on each side of his.
A gentle rub was all it took to get his attention.*
Hey sleepy head. Don't you want to get your ass to bed before you get a very stiff neck?
*He smiled at her, making a snide remark about how he was sure that position would give him a stiff something and picked her up, carrying her to the bedroom.*
It's good to be home.
They are destroying my bunker!
Nooooooooo!!!! ( Insert a "frodo" here... and if you get this, you're awesome!)
How did this happen?
My bunker.. my place of solitude, my safe spot... is being destroyed.
I woke up yesterday to some weird structure being build around my building and today I have men outside of my window.
Like in... people popping right outside my third floor windows, where I thought I was safe and away from humans.
Apparently they are painting the building. Oh I don't like this at all! I'll have people around for days!
I swear I've been feeling like hiding in my closet all morning... It's very stressful for a person who doesn't even exist to have reality shoved at her face by construction workers.
/Alaila hides under the blanket
How did this happen?
My bunker.. my place of solitude, my safe spot... is being destroyed.
I woke up yesterday to some weird structure being build around my building and today I have men outside of my window.
Like in... people popping right outside my third floor windows, where I thought I was safe and away from humans.
Apparently they are painting the building. Oh I don't like this at all! I'll have people around for days!
I swear I've been feeling like hiding in my closet all morning... It's very stressful for a person who doesn't even exist to have reality shoved at her face by construction workers.
/Alaila hides under the blanket
Monday, September 19, 2011
Dear Alaila - Eat alone
"Dear Alaila
I haven't been on my own since I was a 18 year old girl and 10 year later I seem to have lost the ability to eat by myself.
Use a pretty glass.
Who cares if no one else is there? You deserve it. They said so in the girly magazine you were reading the other day.
Don't feel silly because you are using your best glass to drink when your meal is a ready-in-3 minutes bowl of ramen!
You are using fancy chopsticks so it's fine.
Classy!
I haven't been on my own since I was a 18 year old girl and 10 year later I seem to have lost the ability to eat by myself.
Best wishes
"A friend of mine" from Wonderland, in Maine"
Use a pretty glass.
Who cares if no one else is there? You deserve it. They said so in the girly magazine you were reading the other day.
Don't feel silly because you are using your best glass to drink when your meal is a ready-in-3 minutes bowl of ramen!
You are using fancy chopsticks so it's fine.
Classy!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Searching for others
I'm going to look for others.
Wish me luck.
If you just got here and have no idea what is going on.. you probably should read this.
Wish me luck.
If you just got here and have no idea what is going on.. you probably should read this.
Dear Alaila
"Dear Alaila
I have just recently got out of a 4 year relationship and I don't know what to do!
Please help.
Okay.. don't panic.
Your are going to go through the 5 stages of being alone, ready?
1- You'll cry your eyes out.
It doesn't matter if you ended it or the other person did. It doesn't matter if it was a destructive relationship or the love of your life. You will cry.
You will mourn the loss of being with someone, the loss of of being part of something greater than yourself, of having someone to share your meals with and to fill the house with some sort of background noise... even if it was only just that they did.
Embrace it.
Don't fight it. Don't think crying it's a sign of weakness and you're above it.
Set a time for it. Plan an evening of tissues and depressing music.
And that's it. No more. You may feel sad, you may even get teary... but you will not indulge in a pity party any longer than that one night. You are moving on!
2- You will think you are worthless.
If the person didn't fight for you it was because you weren't worth fighting for.
If the person treated you badly it's because you deserved it.
If you were not loved it's because you are unlovable and will never find happiness again.
Stop!
Stop it right now.
If you feel you are worthless do something of value. Help someone. Clean your house. Organize your computer. Call a friend.
3- You will feel that you are ugly/uninteresting/boring.
You are right. With puffy red eyes and runny nose you are not the most attractive person in the world. Wash your face. Smile. Problem solved.
If all you can talk about is your broken relationship you are not that interesting... read a book, read the paper, do a crazy Google search and share your opinions about it. Problem solved.
If you just complaint about your life you are indeed boring. I'm not telling you to hide your pain.. but at least mix it up a bit. We all know great tragedies always have a comic side to them.
Never heard the saying: " it's so sad it's funny?".
4- You will wonder if you did the right thing or if you should try to get back into that relationship and work harder.
No!
No!
I'll say it again: no!
Right now you are having the fantasy that the other person is doing this. It's a nice fantasy but it's not happening. They are probably doing this... or this... or this. They might even be doing this already.
You should do the same. Seriously.
5- You'll want to hide away from humans and live as a crazy cat lady.
If that's your thing.. go for it.
If you feel you might get bored after a while and crave human contact then don't push away all your friends.
Remember that people may suck, but there are a few capable of being quite awesome.
After going to all of these stages you will wake up one day and realize that now you don't know what to do with yourself.
Suddenly it's just you and you are not as grieve-struck as before and you even start thinking about the future.
Congratulations.
You are ready to learn how to be single again.
I have just recently got out of a 4 year relationship and I don't know what to do!
Please help.
Best wishes
Completely Made up Person from Lala Land"
Okay.. don't panic.
Your are going to go through the 5 stages of being alone, ready?
1- You'll cry your eyes out.
It doesn't matter if you ended it or the other person did. It doesn't matter if it was a destructive relationship or the love of your life. You will cry.
You will mourn the loss of being with someone, the loss of of being part of something greater than yourself, of having someone to share your meals with and to fill the house with some sort of background noise... even if it was only just that they did.
Embrace it.
Don't fight it. Don't think crying it's a sign of weakness and you're above it.
Set a time for it. Plan an evening of tissues and depressing music.
And that's it. No more. You may feel sad, you may even get teary... but you will not indulge in a pity party any longer than that one night. You are moving on!
2- You will think you are worthless.
If the person didn't fight for you it was because you weren't worth fighting for.
If the person treated you badly it's because you deserved it.
If you were not loved it's because you are unlovable and will never find happiness again.
Stop!
Stop it right now.
If you feel you are worthless do something of value. Help someone. Clean your house. Organize your computer. Call a friend.
3- You will feel that you are ugly/uninteresting/boring.
You are right. With puffy red eyes and runny nose you are not the most attractive person in the world. Wash your face. Smile. Problem solved.
If all you can talk about is your broken relationship you are not that interesting... read a book, read the paper, do a crazy Google search and share your opinions about it. Problem solved.
If you just complaint about your life you are indeed boring. I'm not telling you to hide your pain.. but at least mix it up a bit. We all know great tragedies always have a comic side to them.
Never heard the saying: " it's so sad it's funny?".
4- You will wonder if you did the right thing or if you should try to get back into that relationship and work harder.
No!
No!
I'll say it again: no!
Right now you are having the fantasy that the other person is doing this. It's a nice fantasy but it's not happening. They are probably doing this... or this... or this. They might even be doing this already.
You should do the same. Seriously.
5- You'll want to hide away from humans and live as a crazy cat lady.
If that's your thing.. go for it.
If you feel you might get bored after a while and crave human contact then don't push away all your friends.
Remember that people may suck, but there are a few capable of being quite awesome.
After going to all of these stages you will wake up one day and realize that now you don't know what to do with yourself.
Suddenly it's just you and you are not as grieve-struck as before and you even start thinking about the future.
Congratulations.
You are ready to learn how to be single again.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Hate it!
Love cooking. hate doing it for myself.
And I know why: because I suck!
I swear, give me 10 mouths to feed and I'm a happy camper, making delicious oven dishes with crispy toppings. Leave me alone to cook for myself and I do this:
This, my friends, is a zucchini and couscous mess, way too salty and way to soft.
I just can't get the measurements right for just one person.
And I know why: because I suck!
I swear, give me 10 mouths to feed and I'm a happy camper, making delicious oven dishes with crispy toppings. Leave me alone to cook for myself and I do this:
I just can't get the measurements right for just one person.
Facebook, you perv!
When I'm not feeling as sexy and I need a pick me up I can always count on Facebook to make me feel like a slut for a little while I update my profile.
Sure! Of course I want to show my sex in my profile. Should I send a picture now?
Let me unleash my politically correct self: shouldn't it be "show my gender in my profile"?
Sure! Of course I want to show my sex in my profile. Should I send a picture now?
Let me unleash my politically correct self: shouldn't it be "show my gender in my profile"?
Friday, September 16, 2011
Yes that makes sense
I hear things going bump in the night and unfortunately it's not the neighbors having a good time.
I don't think anyone on my building has sex. Or in any other building I've lived in. Or they all have their mute button on.
No, I mean I hear weird sounds in my house. I see shadows out of the corner of my eyes. I freak out on a regular basis because "something" brushed against my leg or "something" tugged at my hair.
Don't judge me!
I don't exist. It's only natural for me to be afraid of other things that don't exist either.
Anyway... because of this I am more afraid of the dark than a four year old. I'm the kind of girl who turns on the lights in the next room and then goes back to the room she was to turn off the lights there.
The other day the lights went out on my whole street and we were in the dark for almost an hour.
Oh.. the fun. Have you ever tried to find candle in the dark with shaky hands and a dog jumping around you?
So since then when the sun goes down I light a candle in the room I'm in. That way if "something" makes the lights go out I'll still be able to fight the darkness with my mighty tea candle.
Now, you might look at this and ask " but Alailanible... if "something" wanted you to be in the dark *and* could make the lights go out, couldn't it as easily blow out the candle. To that I say "Shhh! Don't give them ideas!!!"
I use the same fantastic logic for battling the weird sounds: I use headphones and hear music all the time.
"But Alailanible... that just means that you don't hear it.. doesn't mean the sounds are gone. And if there is really "something" running around your house wouldn't it be better to hear it coming so you could run... or scream... or be polite and bake cookies?"
To that I say " what? I can't hear you over the music, sorry..."
I don't think anyone on my building has sex. Or in any other building I've lived in. Or they all have their mute button on.
No, I mean I hear weird sounds in my house. I see shadows out of the corner of my eyes. I freak out on a regular basis because "something" brushed against my leg or "something" tugged at my hair.
Don't judge me!
I don't exist. It's only natural for me to be afraid of other things that don't exist either.
Anyway... because of this I am more afraid of the dark than a four year old. I'm the kind of girl who turns on the lights in the next room and then goes back to the room she was to turn off the lights there.
The other day the lights went out on my whole street and we were in the dark for almost an hour.
Oh.. the fun. Have you ever tried to find candle in the dark with shaky hands and a dog jumping around you?
So since then when the sun goes down I light a candle in the room I'm in. That way if "something" makes the lights go out I'll still be able to fight the darkness with my mighty tea candle.
Now, you might look at this and ask " but Alailanible... if "something" wanted you to be in the dark *and* could make the lights go out, couldn't it as easily blow out the candle. To that I say "Shhh! Don't give them ideas!!!"
I use the same fantastic logic for battling the weird sounds: I use headphones and hear music all the time.
"But Alailanible... that just means that you don't hear it.. doesn't mean the sounds are gone. And if there is really "something" running around your house wouldn't it be better to hear it coming so you could run... or scream... or be polite and bake cookies?"
To that I say " what? I can't hear you over the music, sorry..."
From Apple's journal #55
I'm a chicken.. laying eggs!
So Andrew comes home, starts kissing me and I tell him: baby, it's that time of the month...
He ignores me.
I press on: you know... the "making babies time of the month" and we are out of condoms.
He then says something like "oh.. you should rest for a while before we have another one, right?"
I say that yes... maybe it's better because Roderick isn't even one year old and we buy some condoms.
I tell him I have condoms and he asks me if I think we could make a baby in just one try.
I tell him no, I don't think that's possible.
He laughs and tells me "want to try? If we are that lucky.. we can call her Chance!".
I laugh, he laughs, I look at him laughing, he looks at me looking at him, I drop the condoms and then... well...
Half an hour later we are laying in the kitchen floor, catching our breaths and I say that we are completely crazy.
A week passes and I start to get nervous "should I go pee on a stick? I should pee on a stick.. otherwise in a couple of weeks I'll be even more disappointed because there is no Chance."
So I did.
I'm a chicken... laying eggs. I promise I'll stop when I have a dozen.
So Andrew comes home, starts kissing me and I tell him: baby, it's that time of the month...
He ignores me.
I press on: you know... the "making babies time of the month" and we are out of condoms.
He then says something like "oh.. you should rest for a while before we have another one, right?"
I say that yes... maybe it's better because Roderick isn't even one year old and we buy some condoms.
I tell him I have condoms and he asks me if I think we could make a baby in just one try.
I tell him no, I don't think that's possible.
He laughs and tells me "want to try? If we are that lucky.. we can call her Chance!".
I laugh, he laughs, I look at him laughing, he looks at me looking at him, I drop the condoms and then... well...
Half an hour later we are laying in the kitchen floor, catching our breaths and I say that we are completely crazy.
A week passes and I start to get nervous "should I go pee on a stick? I should pee on a stick.. otherwise in a couple of weeks I'll be even more disappointed because there is no Chance."
So I did.
I'm a chicken... laying eggs. I promise I'll stop when I have a dozen.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
From Apple's journal #54
So this is was my fourth pregnancy... and my third time giving birth all by myself.
I have the worst timing ever when it's time to pop.
Down to two nannies, on on her day off, my husband away.. perfect time to have the baby of course.
Thank god I have the best friend and the best nanny in the world... I was able to focus all my energy in the baby and not worry about the children at home.
I must admit I freaked out at first when my water broke and I realised that I was alone with the 5 kids and had to get to the hospital as fast as possible.
But I'm not a newbie any more... after 3 other pregnancies I'm a professional at this!
I took my deep breaths, I told the little ones that their brother was coming and that we were all taking a trip to the hospital. Then I called Rita asking for help and she sprung into action.
Then I called Rosa and she was already on her way.
In the end all turned out well.
I have one more perfect baby boy. My little Roderick .
...
I just wish you had been here...
I have the worst timing ever when it's time to pop.
Down to two nannies, on on her day off, my husband away.. perfect time to have the baby of course.
Thank god I have the best friend and the best nanny in the world... I was able to focus all my energy in the baby and not worry about the children at home.
I must admit I freaked out at first when my water broke and I realised that I was alone with the 5 kids and had to get to the hospital as fast as possible.
But I'm not a newbie any more... after 3 other pregnancies I'm a professional at this!
I took my deep breaths, I told the little ones that their brother was coming and that we were all taking a trip to the hospital. Then I called Rita asking for help and she sprung into action.
Then I called Rosa and she was already on her way.
In the end all turned out well.
I have one more perfect baby boy. My little Roderick .
...
I just wish you had been here...
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
From Apple's journal #53
I miss my wife and I miss my husband.
I miss having Janina all for myself for more than a few hours in a random city.
I miss having her kids around, competing with mine for the biggest chaos making us in to one huge family.
I miss the scent of her hair, the softness of her skin and the cute hearts the draws on notes.
I miss the way she playfully bites my shoulder and announces proudly that she has bitten the apple.
And I miss Andrew.
I miss his arms around me and feeling safe nestled in his embrace.
I miss kissing him awake in the morning and the way he always smiles when he looks at me.
I miss hearing the kids laugh when he picks them up and makes them fly.
I miss the long baths we share when he comes home from fishing.
I miss having him cuddle me to sleep and rubbing my belly, calling me popcorn because I'm ready to pop.
I miss them!
So when do I get these two huge chunks of my heart back? Hum?
I miss having Janina all for myself for more than a few hours in a random city.
I miss having her kids around, competing with mine for the biggest chaos making us in to one huge family.
I miss the scent of her hair, the softness of her skin and the cute hearts the draws on notes.
I miss the way she playfully bites my shoulder and announces proudly that she has bitten the apple.
And I miss Andrew.
I miss his arms around me and feeling safe nestled in his embrace.
I miss kissing him awake in the morning and the way he always smiles when he looks at me.
I miss hearing the kids laugh when he picks them up and makes them fly.
I miss the long baths we share when he comes home from fishing.
I miss having him cuddle me to sleep and rubbing my belly, calling me popcorn because I'm ready to pop.
I miss them!
So when do I get these two huge chunks of my heart back? Hum?
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
From Apple's journal #52
I always get like this at the end of my pregnancies.
Sleepy.
Lazy.
I spend warm mornings in bed, slow afternoons baking cookies with the occasional nap with Wolf and Bella and I cuddle in Andrew's lap most of the evening watching the kids play.
Having Rosa's children around actually calms things down around here. They get Letty tired!
I would write more... but I have a some nice tea brewing and a book that is not going to read itself.
Sleepy.
Lazy.
I spend warm mornings in bed, slow afternoons baking cookies with the occasional nap with Wolf and Bella and I cuddle in Andrew's lap most of the evening watching the kids play.
Having Rosa's children around actually calms things down around here. They get Letty tired!
I would write more... but I have a some nice tea brewing and a book that is not going to read itself.
From Apple's journal #51
So after a failed attempt today the doctor was finally able to see a little weiner.
Me and Andrew are going to be having another baby boy.
Scarlet was not too happy with the news but Owen was pretty optimistic about it.
On one end we have a "but.. we already have a baby and its a boy...." on the other we have " yes.. now we are tied: 3 girls, 3 boys!".
Mia was just puzzled : "are girls harder to make? Why do my moms have so many boys?"
Ruby was very progressive with her reaction: "can he change his mind and be a girl?".
Wolf wanted to eat.
So, we are all waiting for you Rodrick!
Me and Andrew are going to be having another baby boy.
Scarlet was not too happy with the news but Owen was pretty optimistic about it.
On one end we have a "but.. we already have a baby and its a boy...." on the other we have " yes.. now we are tied: 3 girls, 3 boys!".
Mia was just puzzled : "are girls harder to make? Why do my moms have so many boys?"
Ruby was very progressive with her reaction: "can he change his mind and be a girl?".
Wolf wanted to eat.
So, we are all waiting for you Rodrick!
Monday, September 12, 2011
From Apple's journal #50
*Apple wakes up and feels Andrew's arms around her. She tries to get out of bed to make breakfast but his grip on her tightens. She tries to lift his arm up but it's weighting down on her. A playful laugh lets her know he isn't sleeping at all.
She turns around to face him,ready for her good morning kiss.
His voice is still thick from sleep when he says "'morning, muffin".
She kisses him, momentarily forgetting why she wanted to get out of bed in the first place.
-Mommy... I'm xirty! - a very sleepy Scarlet enters the room, her pillow on her hand and a blanket over her head.
Apple grabs a bottle from the night stand while Andrew pulls the child into the bed.
Letty drinks her water and falls asleep in her dad's arms again. Later on she probably won't even remember how she ended up in her parents bed.
Apple lays her head in her husband's chest and twirls one of Letty's curls in her hand deciding that breakfast can wait.*
She turns around to face him,ready for her good morning kiss.
His voice is still thick from sleep when he says "'morning, muffin".
She kisses him, momentarily forgetting why she wanted to get out of bed in the first place.
-Mommy... I'm xirty! - a very sleepy Scarlet enters the room, her pillow on her hand and a blanket over her head.
Apple grabs a bottle from the night stand while Andrew pulls the child into the bed.
Letty drinks her water and falls asleep in her dad's arms again. Later on she probably won't even remember how she ended up in her parents bed.
Apple lays her head in her husband's chest and twirls one of Letty's curls in her hand deciding that breakfast can wait.*
From Apple's journal #49
Being a mom is not about being a superwoman.
Being a wife is not about always having a smiling face to great your spouse.
Being a friend is not about never complaining and always being a jolly good company.
Everyone needs a break. And everyone needs to be taken care of every once in a while.
So today I abducted Rosa ( her words, not mine) and we both went to a spa to recharge.
The kids were very well taken care of so she had no excuse not to go.
We'll be indulging in several treatments:
I'll be copying their descriptions from the brochure:
Indian Head Massage -30 minutes
Based on old Ayurvedic techniques involving work on the shoulders, neck, scalp and face. A variety of massage movements are used to relieve tension, stimulate circulation and restore joint movement.
Sea and Senses Body (Marine Hot Stones) -75 minutes
Thermodynamic basalt stones are massaged over the body utilising selected pre-blended essential oils to enhance well being. The exfoliating and sculpting techniques are carried out with volcanic and marine stones using spiral movements.
The ultimate treatment for those wanting to de-stress.
Instant Radiance Facial - 60 minutes
Fatigue, stress, ageing and environmental conditions leave the skin clogged up and tired, leaving skin looking dull and lifeless. To restore the beauty of your complexion, we offer you the perfect radiance boosting facial using the brightening extracts of Fresh Tomatoes and Ruscus for glowing skin that looks good enough to eat!
Luxury Manicure
Combining the elements of the express manicure with a luxurious hand and nail exfoliation, mask and heated mitts - the ultimate in hand and nail care.
We'll be home for dinner, ready to face tantrums with kind words, speak softly of love to our significant others and be the cheerful company our friends expect.
And with we'll do all that with awesome nails!
Being a wife is not about always having a smiling face to great your spouse.
Being a friend is not about never complaining and always being a jolly good company.
Everyone needs a break. And everyone needs to be taken care of every once in a while.
So today I abducted Rosa ( her words, not mine) and we both went to a spa to recharge.
The kids were very well taken care of so she had no excuse not to go.
We'll be indulging in several treatments:
I'll be copying their descriptions from the brochure:
Indian Head Massage -30 minutes
Based on old Ayurvedic techniques involving work on the shoulders, neck, scalp and face. A variety of massage movements are used to relieve tension, stimulate circulation and restore joint movement.
Sea and Senses Body (Marine Hot Stones) -75 minutes
Thermodynamic basalt stones are massaged over the body utilising selected pre-blended essential oils to enhance well being. The exfoliating and sculpting techniques are carried out with volcanic and marine stones using spiral movements.
The ultimate treatment for those wanting to de-stress.
Instant Radiance Facial - 60 minutes
Fatigue, stress, ageing and environmental conditions leave the skin clogged up and tired, leaving skin looking dull and lifeless. To restore the beauty of your complexion, we offer you the perfect radiance boosting facial using the brightening extracts of Fresh Tomatoes and Ruscus for glowing skin that looks good enough to eat!
Luxury Manicure
Combining the elements of the express manicure with a luxurious hand and nail exfoliation, mask and heated mitts - the ultimate in hand and nail care.
We'll be home for dinner, ready to face tantrums with kind words, speak softly of love to our significant others and be the cheerful company our friends expect.
And with we'll do all that with awesome nails!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
From Apple's journal #48
*Apple closed the door so that the children couldn't hear the conversation and took a deep breath before stating to answer Connor's message.*
Let's start from the beginning.
I have never spoke a bad word about you to Owen.
Never.
Not even when you took him and didn't let me speak to him on the phone.
Never!
When Owen finally got back to me he was more angry at me because I had a baby and got married without him knowing or being here than at you.
I never, ever told him that it was your fault. You can check that too. I always apologised, told him that I missed him so much. Never did I told him that the reason he was not there and the reason he didn't know about the baby was because of you.
And until Christmas Owen was angry at me. He thought I didn't want him at the wedding because I didn't see him as my son as much as the others.
It broke my heart to see him like that Connor, but I still kept my mouth shut.
Now lets go to the turning point.
On Christmas night we were opening the presents. I warped two presents and gave them to Owen as if they were from you.
Honestly I don't know how in your head that was something that I would do if I was trying to keep you two apart.
After opening the presents Owen wanted to talk to you. You were still blocking my number so I could not call you and let him speak to you.. so I told him to write you a message.
He did.
He wrote:
"Merry Christmas dad.
Mom gave me a hat and a mp3 player and said they were from you.
Thanks!"
Do you remember your answer?
He sure does.
You told him to stop contacting you!
You were the one shutting him out of your life.
He cried the whole night!
His own father told him, to his face, that he would block him if he ever tried to contact him again.
I tried to tell him that you'd probably just had too much eggnog, that you didn't meant it... but the damage was done.
He asked me to change his last name.
When I told him that I didn't thought that was a good idea he burst into tears again, asking me if I didn't want him either.
That was enough for me.
Next morning I filled for the name change.
I didn't ask for your opinion because
number 1- I could not talk to you because you blocked me from all communication and
number 2- because you had just very clearly stated that you didn't wanted any contact with your own son. For me that put you in no position to even have an opinion.
Now about Maynard. Why was he sad?
Owen never broke his relationship with him.
The last time they talked Owen told him he wanted to play more with him
It was Maynard's mom and not Owen or me that ended the relationship.
You can ask her.
Even so, Owen is more than happy to talk to him, play with him, have him in his life if he wants to.
Now tell me.. how am I being unreasonable after all this?
Last time you got custody of Owen you blocked me from speaking to him.
You didn't let him call me to speak to me or his sisters.
You kept him from his own mother's wedding.
You didn't told him he was having a baby brother.
You dragged him around and don't forget kids talk...He spent most of his days alone. He didn't even celebrated Christmas.. or New years... he didn't even had play dates or celebrated Halloween. Nothing!
Do you honestly think after that behaviour I'm going to give custody back to you?
After you told to Owen's face that you didn't want him to contact you or you'd block him from your life?
No way.
But you don't need custody to have a healthy relationship with your son.
You can visit him, he can visit you, you can write to each other, he can spend vacations with you and Maynard. You are invited to every birthday party, every event in his life... even if is something as trivial as wearing a tie for the first time or something like that.
You are *not* blocked from his life. You never were. If you are not present is because you choose not to be.
Let's start from the beginning.
I have never spoke a bad word about you to Owen.
Never.
Not even when you took him and didn't let me speak to him on the phone.
Never!
When Owen finally got back to me he was more angry at me because I had a baby and got married without him knowing or being here than at you.
I never, ever told him that it was your fault. You can check that too. I always apologised, told him that I missed him so much. Never did I told him that the reason he was not there and the reason he didn't know about the baby was because of you.
And until Christmas Owen was angry at me. He thought I didn't want him at the wedding because I didn't see him as my son as much as the others.
It broke my heart to see him like that Connor, but I still kept my mouth shut.
Now lets go to the turning point.
On Christmas night we were opening the presents. I warped two presents and gave them to Owen as if they were from you.
Honestly I don't know how in your head that was something that I would do if I was trying to keep you two apart.
After opening the presents Owen wanted to talk to you. You were still blocking my number so I could not call you and let him speak to you.. so I told him to write you a message.
He did.
He wrote:
"Merry Christmas dad.
Mom gave me a hat and a mp3 player and said they were from you.
Thanks!"
Do you remember your answer?
He sure does.
You told him to stop contacting you!
You were the one shutting him out of your life.
He cried the whole night!
His own father told him, to his face, that he would block him if he ever tried to contact him again.
I tried to tell him that you'd probably just had too much eggnog, that you didn't meant it... but the damage was done.
He asked me to change his last name.
When I told him that I didn't thought that was a good idea he burst into tears again, asking me if I didn't want him either.
That was enough for me.
Next morning I filled for the name change.
I didn't ask for your opinion because
number 1- I could not talk to you because you blocked me from all communication and
number 2- because you had just very clearly stated that you didn't wanted any contact with your own son. For me that put you in no position to even have an opinion.
Now about Maynard. Why was he sad?
Owen never broke his relationship with him.
The last time they talked Owen told him he wanted to play more with him
It was Maynard's mom and not Owen or me that ended the relationship.
You can ask her.
Even so, Owen is more than happy to talk to him, play with him, have him in his life if he wants to.
Now tell me.. how am I being unreasonable after all this?
Last time you got custody of Owen you blocked me from speaking to him.
You didn't let him call me to speak to me or his sisters.
You kept him from his own mother's wedding.
You didn't told him he was having a baby brother.
You dragged him around and don't forget kids talk...He spent most of his days alone. He didn't even celebrated Christmas.. or New years... he didn't even had play dates or celebrated Halloween. Nothing!
Do you honestly think after that behaviour I'm going to give custody back to you?
After you told to Owen's face that you didn't want him to contact you or you'd block him from your life?
No way.
But you don't need custody to have a healthy relationship with your son.
You can visit him, he can visit you, you can write to each other, he can spend vacations with you and Maynard. You are invited to every birthday party, every event in his life... even if is something as trivial as wearing a tie for the first time or something like that.
You are *not* blocked from his life. You never were. If you are not present is because you choose not to be.
Friday, September 9, 2011
From Apple's journal #47
Pregnant?
So, the test says I am.
The doctor says it too.
But.. but.. but... I'm not feeling pregnant at all.
By this time I should have a nice baby bump, start craving some foods and getting sick with others... at least I should start running to the bathroom every 5 minutes.
Nothing.
I feel just as normal as usually.
I'm starting to think that after 3 pregnancies you get one for free and I'm going to spend all the time until the baby is due without any side effects.
And right now I'm probably making a dozen of pregnant women green with jealousy. :) ( Hi Rosa! :P)
Kids
Some of the nannies have been asking me very good questions about the children so I thought I should share with all the information.
How do they get along:
They all get along rather well. Owen is closest to Ruby and Ruby is closest to him except when Mia is around. Then poor Owen gets dragged into girly play. :P
Scarlet is the one who seeks most attention. She was not happy when Wolf was born but now she thinks that " he's no so stinky any more, mommy".
Because I'm not yet showing a big belly neither one of them is that interested in the new baby on the way. From my experience they only get interested when they can feel the baby move.
What should they eat:
I'd rather have them eat healthy most of the time. It can be hard... specially with Letty. But she eats with her eyes... if it's pretty, she'll eat it.
That said, they are kids... so some cookies and icecream once in a while is okay.
Wolf has a big BIG appetite so I recommend small frequent meals.
Routine and habits:
All of them get to pick what socks they want to wear.
They should not see more than one hour and a half of tv in a day. Normally they see a movie before dinner. They take turns picking what they want to see.
Owen is starting to claim his space and sometimes needs a bit of distance from the girls. He may choose a different movie from time to time and watch it by himself.
Bath time is music time. They get clean to their favourite tunes.
They are used to brush their teeth after lunch when they are at home.
Things to look out for:
-Letty likes to pick things and trying to eat them. Random things, Things like the remote or her brother's pacifier.
-Ruby tends to follow Owen everywhere and he doesn't like it when she follows him to the bathroom.He is starting to need his space.
- Wolf is a very quiet baby.He cries when he is hungry but not when he needs to be changed... you have to check him frequently.
-Owen has some daddy issues... he had a bad experience and sometimes gets a bit insecure.If he ever asks to talk to me, call me.No matter what I'm doing or where I am, call me and let him talk to me.
-Mia comes to stay with us a week or so at a time. She is usually with her other mother, Billie. When she is with us she is very polite and acts like a guest for the first day and has to be convinced that she's at home here too.
-Ruby is very shy. She feels unease around people she doesn't know that well. She also gets frightened when there are a lot of people around her. One exception: anything involving dancing... then she could not care less if the room is crowded or not.
-Scarlet likes to steal toys and chew on them.
-Mia will give her food, her toys... anything to any of them if they ask for it.
-Owen will fight anyone that makes fun of Ruby. Sometimes he bites. It's the only situation I ever saw him be aggressive.. but boy... he is very protective of her.
-Scarlet will talk to strangers. To anyone, really.
-Ruby will tell anyone who asks that her daddy is a blond girl with pretty golden hair but that she is allowed to call Andrew daddy too.
So, the test says I am.
The doctor says it too.
But.. but.. but... I'm not feeling pregnant at all.
By this time I should have a nice baby bump, start craving some foods and getting sick with others... at least I should start running to the bathroom every 5 minutes.
Nothing.
I feel just as normal as usually.
I'm starting to think that after 3 pregnancies you get one for free and I'm going to spend all the time until the baby is due without any side effects.
And right now I'm probably making a dozen of pregnant women green with jealousy. :) ( Hi Rosa! :P)
Kids
Some of the nannies have been asking me very good questions about the children so I thought I should share with all the information.
How do they get along:
They all get along rather well. Owen is closest to Ruby and Ruby is closest to him except when Mia is around. Then poor Owen gets dragged into girly play. :P
Scarlet is the one who seeks most attention. She was not happy when Wolf was born but now she thinks that " he's no so stinky any more, mommy".
Because I'm not yet showing a big belly neither one of them is that interested in the new baby on the way. From my experience they only get interested when they can feel the baby move.
What should they eat:
I'd rather have them eat healthy most of the time. It can be hard... specially with Letty. But she eats with her eyes... if it's pretty, she'll eat it.
That said, they are kids... so some cookies and icecream once in a while is okay.
Wolf has a big BIG appetite so I recommend small frequent meals.
Routine and habits:
All of them get to pick what socks they want to wear.
They should not see more than one hour and a half of tv in a day. Normally they see a movie before dinner. They take turns picking what they want to see.
Owen is starting to claim his space and sometimes needs a bit of distance from the girls. He may choose a different movie from time to time and watch it by himself.
Bath time is music time. They get clean to their favourite tunes.
They are used to brush their teeth after lunch when they are at home.
Things to look out for:
-Letty likes to pick things and trying to eat them. Random things, Things like the remote or her brother's pacifier.
-Ruby tends to follow Owen everywhere and he doesn't like it when she follows him to the bathroom.He is starting to need his space.
- Wolf is a very quiet baby.He cries when he is hungry but not when he needs to be changed... you have to check him frequently.
-Owen has some daddy issues... he had a bad experience and sometimes gets a bit insecure.If he ever asks to talk to me, call me.No matter what I'm doing or where I am, call me and let him talk to me.
-Mia comes to stay with us a week or so at a time. She is usually with her other mother, Billie. When she is with us she is very polite and acts like a guest for the first day and has to be convinced that she's at home here too.
-Ruby is very shy. She feels unease around people she doesn't know that well. She also gets frightened when there are a lot of people around her. One exception: anything involving dancing... then she could not care less if the room is crowded or not.
-Scarlet likes to steal toys and chew on them.
-Mia will give her food, her toys... anything to any of them if they ask for it.
-Owen will fight anyone that makes fun of Ruby. Sometimes he bites. It's the only situation I ever saw him be aggressive.. but boy... he is very protective of her.
-Scarlet will talk to strangers. To anyone, really.
-Ruby will tell anyone who asks that her daddy is a blond girl with pretty golden hair but that she is allowed to call Andrew daddy too.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
From Apple's journal #46
Happy Valentine's day!
Ladies first so:
Janina , you have been my steady rock for so long. I know that no matter what happens you are but a phone call away, always with a loving voice to soothe me.
You are my Eva, the one that taught me what love was and took my hand when I knew nothing about it... in more than one way. :P
I love you and I hope you are having a great Valentine's day!
Andrew , a year ago you were down on one knee, asking me to marry you. My answer is an everyday "yes" to our love.
With one more baby on the way you have been adding up to the blessings in my life in so many ways that I can't say this enough: I love you and I'm so grateful you are in my life.
Happy Valentine's day, my loves!
Ladies first so:
Janina , you have been my steady rock for so long. I know that no matter what happens you are but a phone call away, always with a loving voice to soothe me.
You are my Eva, the one that taught me what love was and took my hand when I knew nothing about it... in more than one way. :P
I love you and I hope you are having a great Valentine's day!
Andrew , a year ago you were down on one knee, asking me to marry you. My answer is an everyday "yes" to our love.
With one more baby on the way you have been adding up to the blessings in my life in so many ways that I can't say this enough: I love you and I'm so grateful you are in my life.
Happy Valentine's day, my loves!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
The world hates nails!
Not all kinda of nails. Just pretty, colorful nails.
Look around you.. everywhere you see deadly traps.
It's like we don't know of any other way to open things without the need to use the tip of a nail.
Forget cooking. You'll need to claw your way into everything.
Washing your hair is dangerous too.
Even charging your phone.
And you would hope that make up product manufactures would think their costumers would probably be the kind of person that would wear nail polish... oh I think they know that.. and they enjoy making us suffer.
Are you to lazy to read that *points up* and need some visual aid?
What? You thought people that didn't exist didn't have a voice? Or hands?
Look around you.. everywhere you see deadly traps.
It's like we don't know of any other way to open things without the need to use the tip of a nail.
Forget cooking. You'll need to claw your way into everything.
Washing your hair is dangerous too.
Even charging your phone.
And you would hope that make up product manufactures would think their costumers would probably be the kind of person that would wear nail polish... oh I think they know that.. and they enjoy making us suffer.
Are you to lazy to read that *points up* and need some visual aid?
What? You thought people that didn't exist didn't have a voice? Or hands?
From Apple's journal #45
Yes. A Nanny.
Let's face it... with Wolf being so tiny and hungry all the time there are times that I have to clone myself in order to be everywhere I need to be.
As a result I turn into zombie-mommy and it's not the first time one of my kids leaves the house with a different sock in each foot or with the jacket on backwards.
I hired a nanny because I needed one.
Well, anyway, today is her first day and I'm curious to see how the children are going to react to her.
I told them yesterday that a nice lady was going to come and be with them for a while and that they needed to be polite, obey and be nice to her.
Letty immediately asked if the "nice lady" would give her cookies.
Owen said that I should tell her that he dresses himself and takes baths on his own. He is growing up and starting to claim his personal space.
Ruby was worried that having a nanny meant that she wasn't going to have dance lessons anymore and as soon as I told her that Halie would be taking her to the studio everyday she was happy.
Wolf's opinion was, as it always is, a soft cry for food.
Oh I long for the day when I can start to introduce him to solid food so I can go outside with him and not have to strip in public every two hours. :P
Let's face it... with Wolf being so tiny and hungry all the time there are times that I have to clone myself in order to be everywhere I need to be.
As a result I turn into zombie-mommy and it's not the first time one of my kids leaves the house with a different sock in each foot or with the jacket on backwards.
I hired a nanny because I needed one.
Well, anyway, today is her first day and I'm curious to see how the children are going to react to her.
I told them yesterday that a nice lady was going to come and be with them for a while and that they needed to be polite, obey and be nice to her.
Letty immediately asked if the "nice lady" would give her cookies.
Owen said that I should tell her that he dresses himself and takes baths on his own. He is growing up and starting to claim his personal space.
Ruby was worried that having a nanny meant that she wasn't going to have dance lessons anymore and as soon as I told her that Halie would be taking her to the studio everyday she was happy.
Wolf's opinion was, as it always is, a soft cry for food.
Oh I long for the day when I can start to introduce him to solid food so I can go outside with him and not have to strip in public every two hours. :P
Monday, September 5, 2011
From Apple's journal #44
eads.
It was Ruby's dance teacher telling me to meet them at the hospital.
My little ballerina had a little accident today.
She was doing a pirouette and at the end lost her balance and landed on top of her own foot.
Poor girl... when I got to the hospital her foot was twice its normal size and she had big round tears streaming down her face.
I almost killed three nurses when they told me we had to wait two hours for the x-ray. They wanted to make sure she didn't broke anything.
Two hours for a 4 year old with a injured foot is a small eternity but she was a little angel.
I thought she was crying because it hurt... turns out she was crying because she thought she couldn't dance anymore.
So at the end of the day we went home with a twisted ankle, lots of lollipops and the promise that if she is a very good girl and stays off her feet she can go back to her twirling in a week.
It was Ruby's dance teacher telling me to meet them at the hospital.
My little ballerina had a little accident today.
She was doing a pirouette and at the end lost her balance and landed on top of her own foot.
Poor girl... when I got to the hospital her foot was twice its normal size and she had big round tears streaming down her face.
I almost killed three nurses when they told me we had to wait two hours for the x-ray. They wanted to make sure she didn't broke anything.
Two hours for a 4 year old with a injured foot is a small eternity but she was a little angel.
I thought she was crying because it hurt... turns out she was crying because she thought she couldn't dance anymore.
So at the end of the day we went home with a twisted ankle, lots of lollipops and the promise that if she is a very good girl and stays off her feet she can go back to her twirling in a week.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
From Apple's journal #43
This year my Christmas could be on a postcard.
You should see our tree.
We spent all afternoon decorating it with the kids .
That's 5 hands randomly putting stuff on the poor thing .
Then it was time to put the chocolate Santa's.. but we realised no one really like those and Letty sparked up.
Cookies - she said excited - lets put cookies instead, mommy!
So we moved to the kitchen and baked cookies. We ate a lot, hang some on the tree .
Time to cover the house in lights... because we want to make sure Santa can see us properly from the sky.
Latter on, when the kids are sleeping presents will magically appear under the tree.
After all it was done we still felt there was something missing.
So we hang pictures of the ones we love on the tree so even they are far they are close to our hearts
You should see our tree.
We spent all afternoon decorating it with the kids .
That's 5 hands randomly putting stuff on the poor thing .
Then it was time to put the chocolate Santa's.. but we realised no one really like those and Letty sparked up.
Cookies - she said excited - lets put cookies instead, mommy!
So we moved to the kitchen and baked cookies. We ate a lot, hang some on the tree .
Time to cover the house in lights... because we want to make sure Santa can see us properly from the sky.
Latter on, when the kids are sleeping presents will magically appear under the tree.
After all it was done we still felt there was something missing.
So we hang pictures of the ones we love on the tree so even they are far they are close to our hearts
Thursday, September 1, 2011
From Apple's journal #42
I hear the rain outside, gently caressing the window.
It's keeping a perfect rhythm with his heartbeat and I can't help but smile.
The bed is warm and comfy and with him sleeping so peacefully by my side it feels like the safest place on earth.
His lips tremble in an adorable way, he is lost in some dream and I can't stop myself from kissing him. Even in his sleep he kisses me back and pulls me closer, cradling me in his arms.
I lay there, my head on his chest, listening to steady sound of his breath.
I feel a wave of happiness running through me.
How did I get so lucky?
It's keeping a perfect rhythm with his heartbeat and I can't help but smile.
The bed is warm and comfy and with him sleeping so peacefully by my side it feels like the safest place on earth.
His lips tremble in an adorable way, he is lost in some dream and I can't stop myself from kissing him. Even in his sleep he kisses me back and pulls me closer, cradling me in his arms.
I lay there, my head on his chest, listening to steady sound of his breath.
I feel a wave of happiness running through me.
How did I get so lucky?
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
From Apple's journal #41
Wedding- part one: Let it be epic
The music started playing.
Janina had a serious expression on as she opened the doors of the church. She turned around and marched to the altar. Behind her the guests entered and took their seat.
Only when everyone was seated did the priestess turn to face the crowd.
-The groom!- she said with a steady voice as another song started to play.
Andrew appeared. Step by step he walked down the aisle taking his place, his back turned to the door.
-The bridesmaids - announced Janina, still trying to keep a serious face but not being able to hide a smile for she knew what was about to happen.
As the song started to play Billie, being the maid of honour, lead Hope, Faith and Lexi to their places.
-The groomsmen !
Wolf was being pushed in his carriage by Gabriel, followed by Milan and a stumbling Gianfanco.
-Flower girls!
To the tune Mia, Ruby and Scarlet entered covering the floor with red rose petals.
- And now, ladies and gentleman- the priestess said, her voice trembling ever so slightly for the first time- stand up for the bride.
Andrew turned around when a new song started playing to see his wife-to-be walking through the door. His smile matched hers.
When she reached him he took her hand and they whispered an " I love you" to each other.
The wedding was ready to start.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..."
Wedding- part two: Let it be country
Janina cleared her throat and began:
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of these two love birds.
I wanted to say a few words about love but my Apple pie thought it would be funny to have a musical wedding. So I have no other choice than to give this sermon with a country song.
"'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small"
Janina then turned to the groom.
-Do you Andrew take Apple as your wife?
He smiled and looked at Apple, sharing his vows. With a song, of course.
If you'll be my soft and sweet
I'll be your strong and steady
The priestess then turned to the bride.
-And do you Apple take Andrew as your husband?
It was Apple's turn to sing to Andrew.
We were one together
And we must have talked forever
And it was then and there I realised that
I don't want to wait even one more night
It's hard to slow it down when it feels so right
Janina looked at them and continued.
-Ok, now can I get an "I do" without a song so we can get to the party?
The couple looked at each other and said I do , waiting anxiously for the next part.
-I now pronounce you - the priestess paused for the dramatic effect.. and them a bit longer just to see them squirm- husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.
And he did .
Wedding- part three: Let there be food!
After the ceremony it was time to party.
And eat.
And drink.
And eat some more.
So take a step closer to the table and choose your poison !
Highlights of the day:
- I got married.
- The priest was smoking hot
- I got robbed (a funny story to tell the grand-kids).
- My chicken died ( not actually a good thing... poor thing).
- I changed a diaper in the middle of the ceremony.
- The thief was actually nice and gave me back my stuff.
- My shoes didn't hurt my feet at all.
- I ate like a pig.
- Everyone danced around.
- My kids had a blast.
- I got not one but two tattoos for the first time.
- We all got glow sticks to play around.
Thank you to all of my friend that came to the party and to all of those who couldn't but wanted to. :)
I love you all and you helped make this day extra-special!
The music started playing.
Janina had a serious expression on as she opened the doors of the church. She turned around and marched to the altar. Behind her the guests entered and took their seat.
Only when everyone was seated did the priestess turn to face the crowd.
-The groom!- she said with a steady voice as another song started to play.
Andrew appeared. Step by step he walked down the aisle taking his place, his back turned to the door.
-The bridesmaids - announced Janina, still trying to keep a serious face but not being able to hide a smile for she knew what was about to happen.
As the song started to play Billie, being the maid of honour, lead Hope, Faith and Lexi to their places.
-The groomsmen !
Wolf was being pushed in his carriage by Gabriel, followed by Milan and a stumbling Gianfanco.
-Flower girls!
To the tune Mia, Ruby and Scarlet entered covering the floor with red rose petals.
- And now, ladies and gentleman- the priestess said, her voice trembling ever so slightly for the first time- stand up for the bride.
Andrew turned around when a new song started playing to see his wife-to-be walking through the door. His smile matched hers.
When she reached him he took her hand and they whispered an " I love you" to each other.
The wedding was ready to start.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..."
Wedding- part two: Let it be country
Janina cleared her throat and began:
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of these two love birds.
I wanted to say a few words about love but my Apple pie thought it would be funny to have a musical wedding. So I have no other choice than to give this sermon with a country song.
"'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small"
Janina then turned to the groom.
-Do you Andrew take Apple as your wife?
He smiled and looked at Apple, sharing his vows. With a song, of course.
If you'll be my soft and sweet
I'll be your strong and steady
The priestess then turned to the bride.
-And do you Apple take Andrew as your husband?
It was Apple's turn to sing to Andrew.
We were one together
And we must have talked forever
And it was then and there I realised that
I don't want to wait even one more night
It's hard to slow it down when it feels so right
Janina looked at them and continued.
-Ok, now can I get an "I do" without a song so we can get to the party?
The couple looked at each other and said I do , waiting anxiously for the next part.
-I now pronounce you - the priestess paused for the dramatic effect.. and them a bit longer just to see them squirm- husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.
And he did .
Wedding- part three: Let there be food!
After the ceremony it was time to party.
And eat.
And drink.
And eat some more.
So take a step closer to the table and choose your poison !
Highlights of the day:
- I got married.
- The priest was smoking hot
- I got robbed (a funny story to tell the grand-kids).
- My chicken died ( not actually a good thing... poor thing).
- I changed a diaper in the middle of the ceremony.
- The thief was actually nice and gave me back my stuff.
- My shoes didn't hurt my feet at all.
- I ate like a pig.
- Everyone danced around.
- My kids had a blast.
- I got not one but two tattoos for the first time.
- We all got glow sticks to play around.
Thank you to all of my friend that came to the party and to all of those who couldn't but wanted to. :)
I love you all and you helped make this day extra-special!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
From Apple's journal #40
Bringing a new baby home is always tricky.
No matter how excited the kids are when the baby is something hidden away in mommy's belly it's a whole new story when he is out and keeping mommy busy most of the time.
Mia is acting all grown up. She is a professional big sister and she is always telling Scarlet and Ruby to be mindful of the little one.
She is very careful around Wolf and tries to help all she can.
Ruby is curious. She thinks her new brother is a cute puppy and is very happy to know that he will not be playing with her toys for a while.
She likes to "pet" him and sings and dances for him so that he "won't get bored from sleeping all day long".
Scarlet... well, she doesn't like the idea of having something in the house that doesn't really do anything and takes a lot of her mommy and daddy's time. I think she feels like he is taking up her space as the "little one".
Most of the time she ignores him. She thinks we should "send him back" but I know it's only a matter of time until she warms up to him.
Little Wolf couldn't care less about his sisters right now. The only thing he is interested in is my bobbies and eating. He is a big baby and something tells me soon he will be even bigger.
As any newborn he eats, poops and sleeps. In an adorable way, of course.
No matter how excited the kids are when the baby is something hidden away in mommy's belly it's a whole new story when he is out and keeping mommy busy most of the time.
Mia is acting all grown up. She is a professional big sister and she is always telling Scarlet and Ruby to be mindful of the little one.
She is very careful around Wolf and tries to help all she can.
Ruby is curious. She thinks her new brother is a cute puppy and is very happy to know that he will not be playing with her toys for a while.
She likes to "pet" him and sings and dances for him so that he "won't get bored from sleeping all day long".
Scarlet... well, she doesn't like the idea of having something in the house that doesn't really do anything and takes a lot of her mommy and daddy's time. I think she feels like he is taking up her space as the "little one".
Most of the time she ignores him. She thinks we should "send him back" but I know it's only a matter of time until she warms up to him.
Little Wolf couldn't care less about his sisters right now. The only thing he is interested in is my bobbies and eating. He is a big baby and something tells me soon he will be even bigger.
As any newborn he eats, poops and sleeps. In an adorable way, of course.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
From Apple's journal #39
There is nothing that makes us more aware of life than movement.
When we are little we think that everything that moves must be alive and everything that stays very still is obviously dead.
You try to explain to a little child that there is a baby growing inside your belly and they look at you blankly. They see the belly getting bigger but it's just that. A belly. Nothing more.
Today the girls were finally able to feel the baby move.
Suddenly it's not a belly anymore. There is obviously something alive inside.
Suddenly they understand that their little brother or sister is there.
Now they want to pet my belly, talk to it, Scarlet even asks me to pull my shirt up to show things to the baby.
They connect and they interact with the baby. They giggle when they feel a kick and they say it's saying hello.
I was kind of expecting that reaction from the girls.
I was not expecting it from Andrew.
The first time he felt the baby was in the middle of the night.
I felt a strong kick, not just inside of me but with the hand I had on my belly.
I woke up Andrew and asked him if he wanted to feel the baby.
He was half asleep when he nodded but as soon as he felt the movement his eyes opened.
He was laughing and saying " I can feel it! I can fell it!" over and over again.
Like with the girls somehow the movement threw the baby from a dream world straight into reality.
Now my belly gets more attention than I do.
"Careful with the baby"- Ruby says when Scarlet runs to me.
"Letty want to kiss the baby goodnight"- says my little one before going to bed.
"Let me get you more pillows for your belly"- says Andrew every time I sit anywhere at home.
It's like... it's like the whole family is pregnant with me. All of them teaming up to take care of this wee one inside my belly.
I'm loving it!
When we are little we think that everything that moves must be alive and everything that stays very still is obviously dead.
You try to explain to a little child that there is a baby growing inside your belly and they look at you blankly. They see the belly getting bigger but it's just that. A belly. Nothing more.
Today the girls were finally able to feel the baby move.
Suddenly it's not a belly anymore. There is obviously something alive inside.
Suddenly they understand that their little brother or sister is there.
Now they want to pet my belly, talk to it, Scarlet even asks me to pull my shirt up to show things to the baby.
They connect and they interact with the baby. They giggle when they feel a kick and they say it's saying hello.
I was kind of expecting that reaction from the girls.
I was not expecting it from Andrew.
The first time he felt the baby was in the middle of the night.
I felt a strong kick, not just inside of me but with the hand I had on my belly.
I woke up Andrew and asked him if he wanted to feel the baby.
He was half asleep when he nodded but as soon as he felt the movement his eyes opened.
He was laughing and saying " I can feel it! I can fell it!" over and over again.
Like with the girls somehow the movement threw the baby from a dream world straight into reality.
Now my belly gets more attention than I do.
"Careful with the baby"- Ruby says when Scarlet runs to me.
"Letty want to kiss the baby goodnight"- says my little one before going to bed.
"Let me get you more pillows for your belly"- says Andrew every time I sit anywhere at home.
It's like... it's like the whole family is pregnant with me. All of them teaming up to take care of this wee one inside my belly.
I'm loving it!
Monday, August 22, 2011
From Apple's journal #38
That's what I am while I'm pregnant.
I go from a tiny seed to a an expanding body in a matter of days.
I'm always ready to pop.
Physicality with every trip to the bathroom.
Emotionally with every mood swing.
Ahhh.. yes... the mood swings.
They are not all bad.
Most of the time I just jump from really happy to really lovey-dovey to really... hum... in the mood for some specific activities.
But there are some moments where I get insecure, bitchy, clingy.
Lucky that does not happen often and I can usually be brought back to my usually sunny self with promises of food or back rubs.
Anyway... just to let the people around me know that I'm sorry for the grumpy bits.
Specially let Andrew know that I'm sorry for going all black widow on him and almost biting his head off when he didn't told me immediately that he wanted at least a dozen babies.
If it helps making my case... I just got another mood swing and it is not the happy or the lovey-dovey one. :P
I go from a tiny seed to a an expanding body in a matter of days.
I'm always ready to pop.
Physicality with every trip to the bathroom.
Emotionally with every mood swing.
Ahhh.. yes... the mood swings.
They are not all bad.
Most of the time I just jump from really happy to really lovey-dovey to really... hum... in the mood for some specific activities.
But there are some moments where I get insecure, bitchy, clingy.
Lucky that does not happen often and I can usually be brought back to my usually sunny self with promises of food or back rubs.
Anyway... just to let the people around me know that I'm sorry for the grumpy bits.
Specially let Andrew know that I'm sorry for going all black widow on him and almost biting his head off when he didn't told me immediately that he wanted at least a dozen babies.
If it helps making my case... I just got another mood swing and it is not the happy or the lovey-dovey one. :P
Sunday, August 21, 2011
From Apple's journal #37
I'm expanding.
My pants don't fit.
My bras refuse to go all the way around.
My shirts are way too tight.
It's time to get those comfortable maternity dresses out and embrace my new found roundness. Also time to say goodbye to my feet because as in my other two pregnancies my belly is not the only thing getting bigger.
As I was putting the girls to sleep today Scarlet pointed at my belly and asked: " the baby ix thele?".
I said yes and prepared for the next question. There is always the next question.
Ruby was too little to ask anything when I was pregnant with Scarlet but this time they were both at that "how and why" stage and I was not getting a free pass again.
-How did it go to the belly, mommy? - she asked immediately.
I sat them both down on Ruby's bed and took a deep breath.
I started:
Ok... so tonight instead of reading you a story I'm going to tell you how babies are made, ok?
You see... making a baby is just like making a cake.
The mommy has some of the ingredients, the daddy has the others and the belly is the oven.
So, let's say that the mom has the sugar and the flour and the daddy has the milk and the eggs.
I already explain to you that girls and boys are different. They have different... things between their legs. So the daddy puts the... hum.. wet ingredients in mommy's belly using his pee-pee.
He puts his private part in the mother... vajayjay and when the time is right the ingredients mix.
Then after 9 months in the oven... a baby is born.
The girls were looking at me, funny expressions on their faces.
-So a baby is like a cookie? - Scarlet asked.
-A bit.. yes.
-But I don't have a daddy with a pee pee... -said Ruby.
-No, darling. But it works the same way. A doctor put the ingredients in mummy's belly and you lived there until you were ready to be born.
They looked at each other, then at me, then decided they had enough of that conversation.
I expect more questions in the next few days.
My pants don't fit.
My bras refuse to go all the way around.
My shirts are way too tight.
It's time to get those comfortable maternity dresses out and embrace my new found roundness. Also time to say goodbye to my feet because as in my other two pregnancies my belly is not the only thing getting bigger.
As I was putting the girls to sleep today Scarlet pointed at my belly and asked: " the baby ix thele?".
I said yes and prepared for the next question. There is always the next question.
Ruby was too little to ask anything when I was pregnant with Scarlet but this time they were both at that "how and why" stage and I was not getting a free pass again.
-How did it go to the belly, mommy? - she asked immediately.
I sat them both down on Ruby's bed and took a deep breath.
I started:
Ok... so tonight instead of reading you a story I'm going to tell you how babies are made, ok?
You see... making a baby is just like making a cake.
The mommy has some of the ingredients, the daddy has the others and the belly is the oven.
So, let's say that the mom has the sugar and the flour and the daddy has the milk and the eggs.
I already explain to you that girls and boys are different. They have different... things between their legs. So the daddy puts the... hum.. wet ingredients in mommy's belly using his pee-pee.
He puts his private part in the mother... vajayjay and when the time is right the ingredients mix.
Then after 9 months in the oven... a baby is born.
The girls were looking at me, funny expressions on their faces.
-So a baby is like a cookie? - Scarlet asked.
-A bit.. yes.
-But I don't have a daddy with a pee pee... -said Ruby.
-No, darling. But it works the same way. A doctor put the ingredients in mummy's belly and you lived there until you were ready to be born.
They looked at each other, then at me, then decided they had enough of that conversation.
I expect more questions in the next few days.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
From Apple's journal #36
I just had the best Valentine's day dinner ever.
Andrew proposed to me!
Like... "marry me" and all that!
And he did it in the most perfect way!
I swear... there was no way I was ever going to say no to that.
He took me out to dinner, nice restaurant, candlelight, music... the full package.
He feed me a nice, juicy steak and my (now) carnivorous belly loved it.
Then he gave me a valentine's card that he made with the girls. First AWWWWWWW moment.
Then he ordered dessert and said he needed to go to the bathroom.
When he came back he had Ruby and Scarlet with him.
He looked at me and put Scarlet in my lap telling me she had something to show me.
She pointed at herself and said: " new shirt, mommy!". I unbuttoned her jacked and my mouth fell open.
She was wearing this .
Ruby then handed me a tiny box with a beautiful ring as Andrew took of his shirt to reveal another one saying "will you marry me" and got down on one knee.
Then the waiter brought us our dessert .
I couldn't speak... I could barely breathe.
I got up, put my arms around him and said "Yes!".
We kissed and then we picked the girls up for a big hug.
I was laughing and crying the whole time...
It was perfect.
You.. sneaky man.. you know how to get me. Using meat and the kids...
I cant say how much it means to me that you did this like this.
I love you!
Andrew proposed to me!
Like... "marry me" and all that!
And he did it in the most perfect way!
I swear... there was no way I was ever going to say no to that.
He took me out to dinner, nice restaurant, candlelight, music... the full package.
He feed me a nice, juicy steak and my (now) carnivorous belly loved it.
Then he gave me a valentine's card that he made with the girls. First AWWWWWWW moment.
Then he ordered dessert and said he needed to go to the bathroom.
When he came back he had Ruby and Scarlet with him.
He looked at me and put Scarlet in my lap telling me she had something to show me.
She pointed at herself and said: " new shirt, mommy!". I unbuttoned her jacked and my mouth fell open.
She was wearing this .
Ruby then handed me a tiny box with a beautiful ring as Andrew took of his shirt to reveal another one saying "will you marry me" and got down on one knee.
Then the waiter brought us our dessert .
I couldn't speak... I could barely breathe.
I got up, put my arms around him and said "Yes!".
We kissed and then we picked the girls up for a big hug.
I was laughing and crying the whole time...
It was perfect.
You.. sneaky man.. you know how to get me. Using meat and the kids...
I cant say how much it means to me that you did this like this.
I love you!
Monday, August 15, 2011
From Apple's journal #35
It's such a beautiful spring day it would be a shame to keep the kids indoors. It was time to go for one more camping trip.
After getting the girls from their morning dance lessons I put their bathing suits on, a thick layer of sun block, colourful comfortable dresses and sent them on their way with Andrew.
He was going to teach Ruby how to fish and she was very excited.
Scarlet looked at the fishing pole and could not understand why her sister was so thrilled about it. Finally she pointed at it and asked " can you catch cookies with that?".
I stayed behind to prepare our dinner.
Camping isn't so rough when you have this to sleep in and not one , not two , but three picknic banquets that look like this .
I admit I went a bit overboard with the food.
We have roasted beef sandwiches , more sandwiches , even more sandwiches , sugary ice cold water and lemons to make lemonade and an apple pie .
And now I'm off to enjoy wearing a bikini while I can still see my feet.
After getting the girls from their morning dance lessons I put their bathing suits on, a thick layer of sun block, colourful comfortable dresses and sent them on their way with Andrew.
He was going to teach Ruby how to fish and she was very excited.
Scarlet looked at the fishing pole and could not understand why her sister was so thrilled about it. Finally she pointed at it and asked " can you catch cookies with that?".
I stayed behind to prepare our dinner.
Camping isn't so rough when you have this to sleep in and not one , not two , but three picknic banquets that look like this .
I admit I went a bit overboard with the food.
We have roasted beef sandwiches , more sandwiches , even more sandwiches , sugary ice cold water and lemons to make lemonade and an apple pie .
And now I'm off to enjoy wearing a bikini while I can still see my feet.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
From Apple's journal #34
I could be worried because I'm eating like a pig on a date... but I'm also getting up every 10 minutes to use the bathroom so I'm thinking one thing covers the other one up.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
From Apple's journal #33
I decided to bake this afternoon.
But what should I put in the oven?
I had three mouths to feed with the ending result.
Andrew loves muffins .
Ruby doesn't like anything sweet that does not have some sort of frosting or cream .
Scarlet loves cookies .
As I bought the ingredients I needed I kept thinking how to make something that would be a hit with everyone.
Andrew and Ruby's preferences were easy to combine. Turn that muffin into a cupcake and you're done.
But Scarlet's love for cookies was throwing me off.
Suddenly I saw the light.
Literally... I open the fridge, saw the light and the idea popped in my head.
Not an original idea, mind you.. I had seen it somewhere in a cooking magazine.
So I made two batches of cookies.
This one .
And this one .
But what should I put in the oven?
I had three mouths to feed with the ending result.
Andrew loves muffins .
Ruby doesn't like anything sweet that does not have some sort of frosting or cream .
Scarlet loves cookies .
As I bought the ingredients I needed I kept thinking how to make something that would be a hit with everyone.
Andrew and Ruby's preferences were easy to combine. Turn that muffin into a cupcake and you're done.
But Scarlet's love for cookies was throwing me off.
Suddenly I saw the light.
Literally... I open the fridge, saw the light and the idea popped in my head.
Not an original idea, mind you.. I had seen it somewhere in a cooking magazine.
So I made two batches of cookies.
This one .
And this one .
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
From Apple's journal #32
Wake up startled by a screaming Ruby yelling "Dance! Dance!" while she twirled around the bedroom.
Got ready in less then 3 minutes because two toddlers highly excited cannot wait much longer.
Spent all my morning buying everything on the list that they gave me at the dance studio.
The shoes .
The other (ugly!)shoes .
The leg warmers.
The leotards .
The skirted leotards ( there's a difference, who knew...).
The tutus .
More tutus ... because sometimes a layer just isn't enough...
The fancy costume .
Uff!!!
So much stuff.
Them I had lunch with the girls and drop them at the dance studio for their first lesson.
Ruby was on cloud nine.
I wanted to watch but she sent me on my way because she had to "concentrate".
The teacher told me it was fine, they were going to watch a movie about dancing and then they would do some exercises.
As suddenly my afternoon was free I called Andrew and asked if he wanted some agriculture lessons.
So after much cutting and grinding and cooking and churning we were done.
Quick bath and to the dance studio to get the girls. I got one... Scarlet was done for the day, Ruby begged me to stay and watch the older class.
Now... what shall I do about dinner?
Got ready in less then 3 minutes because two toddlers highly excited cannot wait much longer.
Spent all my morning buying everything on the list that they gave me at the dance studio.
The shoes .
The other (ugly!)shoes .
The leg warmers.
The leotards .
The skirted leotards ( there's a difference, who knew...).
The tutus .
More tutus ... because sometimes a layer just isn't enough...
The fancy costume .
Uff!!!
So much stuff.
Them I had lunch with the girls and drop them at the dance studio for their first lesson.
Ruby was on cloud nine.
I wanted to watch but she sent me on my way because she had to "concentrate".
The teacher told me it was fine, they were going to watch a movie about dancing and then they would do some exercises.
As suddenly my afternoon was free I called Andrew and asked if he wanted some agriculture lessons.
So after much cutting and grinding and cooking and churning we were done.
Quick bath and to the dance studio to get the girls. I got one... Scarlet was done for the day, Ruby begged me to stay and watch the older class.
Now... what shall I do about dinner?
Saturday, August 6, 2011
From Apple's journal #31
Sometimes we fall.
What should we do then?
Do we learn our lesson and stay away from the dangerous path?
Do we persist and try again?
What is the wise decision?
Get right back on the horse or remember that insanity is doing the same thing twice and hope for different outcomes.
Or is this situation a new one?
If I keep away am I being safe or am I being a coward?
If I go am I following my heart or being reckless?
Sometimes life hands us these weird questions that seem to have no right answer.
So what should I do?
What should we do then?
Do we learn our lesson and stay away from the dangerous path?
Do we persist and try again?
What is the wise decision?
Get right back on the horse or remember that insanity is doing the same thing twice and hope for different outcomes.
Or is this situation a new one?
If I keep away am I being safe or am I being a coward?
If I go am I following my heart or being reckless?
Sometimes life hands us these weird questions that seem to have no right answer.
So what should I do?
Monday, August 1, 2011
From Apple's journal #30
It's hard when something you really wanted doesn't turn out to be what you expected.
People are different and waiting to see if someone changes is mostly a waste of time.
You can sit in a corner and cry about what you lost... but that is just silly because what you lost was just an illusion.
You can blame the world and promise yourself you will not be so trusting the next time... but you'd be the one loosing the chance to meet people who actually deserve your trust.
You can point your finger and angrily yell "they are all the same" but some people are *not* the same. Some are exceptional. And you can only meet them by going through a bunch of average ones.
Hope is just something way to precious to throw away just because you bumped into a few people that didn't meet your expectations or didn't treat you right.
So what do you do?
You move forward. You keep close and cherish the ones that love you as you deserve and you smile at the people you don't know but who might one day be part of your heart.
People are different and waiting to see if someone changes is mostly a waste of time.
You can sit in a corner and cry about what you lost... but that is just silly because what you lost was just an illusion.
You can blame the world and promise yourself you will not be so trusting the next time... but you'd be the one loosing the chance to meet people who actually deserve your trust.
You can point your finger and angrily yell "they are all the same" but some people are *not* the same. Some are exceptional. And you can only meet them by going through a bunch of average ones.
Hope is just something way to precious to throw away just because you bumped into a few people that didn't meet your expectations or didn't treat you right.
So what do you do?
You move forward. You keep close and cherish the ones that love you as you deserve and you smile at the people you don't know but who might one day be part of your heart.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
From Apple's journal #29
We sat Ruby and Scarlet down and prepared for the conversation.
-Babies - I said, looking at Andrew - You know how Owen has a daddy?
-Yes. And I want to go visit him! I want to play with Owen!- said Ruby immediately.
-We'll talk about that later. I want you to know that Andrew is Scarlet's father, just like Connor is Owen's father.
Ruby perked up.
- Are you going to take Scarlet on a vacation too? - she sad smiling at the idea of having the toys all to herself.
-No- Andrew replied- I'm going to stay with you and your mommy.
-Do you understand Scarlet? - I asked looking at the little one - He is your daddy. You can call him daddy if you want to.
-Does this means he'll only tell stories to her and I'm not going to learn how to fish??? - Ruby interrupted, alarmed.
-Of course not. Just because I'm Scarlet's father does not mean I wont play with you, or tell you stories!
-So what does it mean? - she asked.
-It means that he'll be around Ruby. For Scarlet and for you... and for the baby that is growing on mommy's tummy.- I said, still worried because Scarlet was really quiet.
- A baby? Like another sister? Like Mia?- Ruby however was speaking a mile a minute.
-Maybe a little sister. Maybe a little brother. We don't know. And it will be really little at first, not like Mia.
Ruby stopped talking for a while, trying to decide if she liked the idea or not.
-If you're Scarlet's dad do I have to call you dad to?
-No. You both can call him Andrew if you prefer... or dad if you want to, right Andrew?
He nodded.
Scarlet was still quiet...
-Scarlet, love... what do you think? - I asked trying to understand what she was feeling.
Scarlet looked at me, than at Andrew. Then she said in the most normal way, like we were all making a big fuss out of nothing:
- Daddy, can I have a cookie?
Figures!
-Babies - I said, looking at Andrew - You know how Owen has a daddy?
-Yes. And I want to go visit him! I want to play with Owen!- said Ruby immediately.
-We'll talk about that later. I want you to know that Andrew is Scarlet's father, just like Connor is Owen's father.
Ruby perked up.
- Are you going to take Scarlet on a vacation too? - she sad smiling at the idea of having the toys all to herself.
-No- Andrew replied- I'm going to stay with you and your mommy.
-Do you understand Scarlet? - I asked looking at the little one - He is your daddy. You can call him daddy if you want to.
-Does this means he'll only tell stories to her and I'm not going to learn how to fish??? - Ruby interrupted, alarmed.
-Of course not. Just because I'm Scarlet's father does not mean I wont play with you, or tell you stories!
-So what does it mean? - she asked.
-It means that he'll be around Ruby. For Scarlet and for you... and for the baby that is growing on mommy's tummy.- I said, still worried because Scarlet was really quiet.
- A baby? Like another sister? Like Mia?- Ruby however was speaking a mile a minute.
-Maybe a little sister. Maybe a little brother. We don't know. And it will be really little at first, not like Mia.
Ruby stopped talking for a while, trying to decide if she liked the idea or not.
-If you're Scarlet's dad do I have to call you dad to?
-No. You both can call him Andrew if you prefer... or dad if you want to, right Andrew?
He nodded.
Scarlet was still quiet...
-Scarlet, love... what do you think? - I asked trying to understand what she was feeling.
Scarlet looked at me, than at Andrew. Then she said in the most normal way, like we were all making a big fuss out of nothing:
- Daddy, can I have a cookie?
Figures!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
From Apple's journal #28
I said goodbye to last year with a huge celebration.
It was Billie and Janina's wedding which meant I got to spend the new years eve with almost all of my family.
Hope was in New York being a teenager, Owen was there too with his father and my mom and my dad where on a romantic cruise somewhere in the middle of the ocean.
I was *very* stressed out so being able to cook for Janina's weddings really helped me to gain the courage to spill the beans on some news I got in the morning.
I wanted to start the year fresh, with no unfinished business glooming over my head.
I found out I was pregnant and I wasn't really sure the father would be happy with the news. The situation was a bit complicated because I was going to have to tell him that not only was he going to be a daddy... but he was already one.
You see, two years ago I asked my male friends for a bit of help. I wanted a baby and I didn't want to use AI as I did with Ruby. The deal was they would be donors and we would go our separate ways, they didn't even had to know if I actually got pregnant or not.
Andrew was the only one who actually.. hum.. did the deed but as agreed I didn't told him anything.
The thing is a few months back we started talking, spending time together... a lot of time together and we fell in love.
I didn't know if the right thing to do was to tell him or not. He might not want to know.
But when I found out I was pregnant I knew I had to tell him. I mean.. what if the new baby was an exact copy of Scarlet. Or what if by spending time with the girl he would find out?
I was shaking when I told him. I was really afraid he would freak out.
And he did... about having to start working more to pay for all the things the babies would need in the future. It was sweet and funny.
When he calmed down he told me he wanted to be with us and my heart rested.
So I had a fantastic start of the year!
What about you
It was Billie and Janina's wedding which meant I got to spend the new years eve with almost all of my family.
Hope was in New York being a teenager, Owen was there too with his father and my mom and my dad where on a romantic cruise somewhere in the middle of the ocean.
I was *very* stressed out so being able to cook for Janina's weddings really helped me to gain the courage to spill the beans on some news I got in the morning.
I wanted to start the year fresh, with no unfinished business glooming over my head.
I found out I was pregnant and I wasn't really sure the father would be happy with the news. The situation was a bit complicated because I was going to have to tell him that not only was he going to be a daddy... but he was already one.
You see, two years ago I asked my male friends for a bit of help. I wanted a baby and I didn't want to use AI as I did with Ruby. The deal was they would be donors and we would go our separate ways, they didn't even had to know if I actually got pregnant or not.
Andrew was the only one who actually.. hum.. did the deed but as agreed I didn't told him anything.
The thing is a few months back we started talking, spending time together... a lot of time together and we fell in love.
I didn't know if the right thing to do was to tell him or not. He might not want to know.
But when I found out I was pregnant I knew I had to tell him. I mean.. what if the new baby was an exact copy of Scarlet. Or what if by spending time with the girl he would find out?
I was shaking when I told him. I was really afraid he would freak out.
And he did... about having to start working more to pay for all the things the babies would need in the future. It was sweet and funny.
When he calmed down he told me he wanted to be with us and my heart rested.
So I had a fantastic start of the year!
What about you
Saturday, July 16, 2011
From Apple's journal #27
I love weddings. Any celebration of love has a thumbs up from me, really.
Weddings are extra special because there is the lovey-dovey pink love energy around *and* they are a perfectly good excuse to get dressed up.
Now when you combine all of this with the opportunity to cook and feed a small crowd... I'm in heaven!
But it gets better. You see, the wedding I'm going to is between two people who have a very special place in my heart.
My Janina is marrying Billie , my partner in crime and my Mia 's mother.
So today we celebrate.
Bring the champagne and the cake!
Weddings are extra special because there is the lovey-dovey pink love energy around *and* they are a perfectly good excuse to get dressed up.
Now when you combine all of this with the opportunity to cook and feed a small crowd... I'm in heaven!
But it gets better. You see, the wedding I'm going to is between two people who have a very special place in my heart.
My Janina is marrying Billie , my partner in crime and my Mia 's mother.
So today we celebrate.
Bring the champagne and the cake!
Friday, July 15, 2011
The bright side of life with Hope #7
Understanding
We all say things we don't mean from time to time.
I'm sure if I had explained things to you in a different way we wouldn't get so angry.
Anger is a silly emotion. Being mad at something you can change is like standing in the rain without an umbrella and being mad because you are getting wet. It's such a waste of time... just get out of the rain and put on dry clothes.
We just did not understand each other. We felt hurt because we did not listen carefully to what the other one was telling and we were not able to hear the concern for our well being in their words.
I just want to keep our friendship safe because you are an important person in my life and there's no money worth putting that at risk.
I'm sorry about the way I behaved and I know that I took some of your words much more seriously then I should... I'm sure you didn't meant them. I wish I had the wisdom to understand that at the time.
I'm sure if I had explained things to you in a different way we wouldn't get so angry.
Anger is a silly emotion. Being mad at something you can change is like standing in the rain without an umbrella and being mad because you are getting wet. It's such a waste of time... just get out of the rain and put on dry clothes.
We just did not understand each other. We felt hurt because we did not listen carefully to what the other one was telling and we were not able to hear the concern for our well being in their words.
I just want to keep our friendship safe because you are an important person in my life and there's no money worth putting that at risk.
I'm sorry about the way I behaved and I know that I took some of your words much more seriously then I should... I'm sure you didn't meant them. I wish I had the wisdom to understand that at the time.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
From Apple's journal #26
With Mia with her mother and Owen with his father, Ruby gets a bit more alone-time with me after Scarlet is in bed.
As I was getting her ready to sleep she started talking about random things like she always do.
-Mommy, when I'm big I'm going to be tall. And I'm going to have a car. How many cars does Janina have? How does she drives them all at the same time? Do cars need to sleep? Yesterday I had a dream with a bunny. It was a white bunny. Why is the snow so white? Is it made from vanilla icecream? Can we have pancakes for breakfast tomorrow? Can everyday of the week be a tomorrow? Will I go to the nursery? Can I take my doll? Did I chew on dolls like Letty? Are there people that eat dolls? I want to make dolls when I'm big. Or maybe I'll sing in a band.
This goes on and on. It's quite amusing to see what her little head will come up with next. Today she was less random and more interested in one subject.
- Mommy, can Janina teach me how to dance? And can Andrew teach me how to fish? Or do I have to choose one?
-Of course you don't have to choose, silly. You can ask them both and I'm sure when they have time they will.
-Mommy... is Andrew your wife like Janina?
Ok... I had to laugh. I didn't mean to, but I had to...
-No baby girl. Andrew is a boy and we are not married. When a girl gets married she is a wife. When a boy gets married he is a husband. But Andrew is not married to mommy.
- But he can teach me to fish?
- We'll ask him tomorrow.
- And Janina?
- We'll call her and ask her about the dancing.
- Mommy... Andrew picks me up higher... but Janina has prettier hair and she lets me braid it. - She paused, thinking for a moment - I like them both!
I smiled at her.
-Me too,cupcake. And I love you. So much! Now, off to bed.
As I was getting her ready to sleep she started talking about random things like she always do.
-Mommy, when I'm big I'm going to be tall. And I'm going to have a car. How many cars does Janina have? How does she drives them all at the same time? Do cars need to sleep? Yesterday I had a dream with a bunny. It was a white bunny. Why is the snow so white? Is it made from vanilla icecream? Can we have pancakes for breakfast tomorrow? Can everyday of the week be a tomorrow? Will I go to the nursery? Can I take my doll? Did I chew on dolls like Letty? Are there people that eat dolls? I want to make dolls when I'm big. Or maybe I'll sing in a band.
This goes on and on. It's quite amusing to see what her little head will come up with next. Today she was less random and more interested in one subject.
- Mommy, can Janina teach me how to dance? And can Andrew teach me how to fish? Or do I have to choose one?
-Of course you don't have to choose, silly. You can ask them both and I'm sure when they have time they will.
-Mommy... is Andrew your wife like Janina?
Ok... I had to laugh. I didn't mean to, but I had to...
-No baby girl. Andrew is a boy and we are not married. When a girl gets married she is a wife. When a boy gets married he is a husband. But Andrew is not married to mommy.
- But he can teach me to fish?
- We'll ask him tomorrow.
- And Janina?
- We'll call her and ask her about the dancing.
- Mommy... Andrew picks me up higher... but Janina has prettier hair and she lets me braid it. - She paused, thinking for a moment - I like them both!
I smiled at her.
-Me too,cupcake. And I love you. So much! Now, off to bed.
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