We sat Ruby and Scarlet down and prepared for the conversation.
-Babies - I said, looking at Andrew - You know how Owen has a daddy?
-Yes. And I want to go visit him! I want to play with Owen!- said Ruby immediately.
-We'll talk about that later. I want you to know that Andrew is Scarlet's father, just like Connor is Owen's father.
Ruby perked up.
- Are you going to take Scarlet on a vacation too? - she sad smiling at the idea of having the toys all to herself.
-No- Andrew replied- I'm going to stay with you and your mommy.
-Do you understand Scarlet? - I asked looking at the little one - He is your daddy. You can call him daddy if you want to.
-Does this means he'll only tell stories to her and I'm not going to learn how to fish??? - Ruby interrupted, alarmed.
-Of course not. Just because I'm Scarlet's father does not mean I wont play with you, or tell you stories!
-So what does it mean? - she asked.
-It means that he'll be around Ruby. For Scarlet and for you... and for the baby that is growing on mommy's tummy.- I said, still worried because Scarlet was really quiet.
- A baby? Like another sister? Like Mia?- Ruby however was speaking a mile a minute.
-Maybe a little sister. Maybe a little brother. We don't know. And it will be really little at first, not like Mia.
Ruby stopped talking for a while, trying to decide if she liked the idea or not.
-If you're Scarlet's dad do I have to call you dad to?
-No. You both can call him Andrew if you prefer... or dad if you want to, right Andrew?
He nodded.
Scarlet was still quiet...
-Scarlet, love... what do you think? - I asked trying to understand what she was feeling.
Scarlet looked at me, than at Andrew. Then she said in the most normal way, like we were all making a big fuss out of nothing:
- Daddy, can I have a cookie?
Figures!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
From Apple's journal #28
I said goodbye to last year with a huge celebration.
It was Billie and Janina's wedding which meant I got to spend the new years eve with almost all of my family.
Hope was in New York being a teenager, Owen was there too with his father and my mom and my dad where on a romantic cruise somewhere in the middle of the ocean.
I was *very* stressed out so being able to cook for Janina's weddings really helped me to gain the courage to spill the beans on some news I got in the morning.
I wanted to start the year fresh, with no unfinished business glooming over my head.
I found out I was pregnant and I wasn't really sure the father would be happy with the news. The situation was a bit complicated because I was going to have to tell him that not only was he going to be a daddy... but he was already one.
You see, two years ago I asked my male friends for a bit of help. I wanted a baby and I didn't want to use AI as I did with Ruby. The deal was they would be donors and we would go our separate ways, they didn't even had to know if I actually got pregnant or not.
Andrew was the only one who actually.. hum.. did the deed but as agreed I didn't told him anything.
The thing is a few months back we started talking, spending time together... a lot of time together and we fell in love.
I didn't know if the right thing to do was to tell him or not. He might not want to know.
But when I found out I was pregnant I knew I had to tell him. I mean.. what if the new baby was an exact copy of Scarlet. Or what if by spending time with the girl he would find out?
I was shaking when I told him. I was really afraid he would freak out.
And he did... about having to start working more to pay for all the things the babies would need in the future. It was sweet and funny.
When he calmed down he told me he wanted to be with us and my heart rested.
So I had a fantastic start of the year!
What about you
It was Billie and Janina's wedding which meant I got to spend the new years eve with almost all of my family.
Hope was in New York being a teenager, Owen was there too with his father and my mom and my dad where on a romantic cruise somewhere in the middle of the ocean.
I was *very* stressed out so being able to cook for Janina's weddings really helped me to gain the courage to spill the beans on some news I got in the morning.
I wanted to start the year fresh, with no unfinished business glooming over my head.
I found out I was pregnant and I wasn't really sure the father would be happy with the news. The situation was a bit complicated because I was going to have to tell him that not only was he going to be a daddy... but he was already one.
You see, two years ago I asked my male friends for a bit of help. I wanted a baby and I didn't want to use AI as I did with Ruby. The deal was they would be donors and we would go our separate ways, they didn't even had to know if I actually got pregnant or not.
Andrew was the only one who actually.. hum.. did the deed but as agreed I didn't told him anything.
The thing is a few months back we started talking, spending time together... a lot of time together and we fell in love.
I didn't know if the right thing to do was to tell him or not. He might not want to know.
But when I found out I was pregnant I knew I had to tell him. I mean.. what if the new baby was an exact copy of Scarlet. Or what if by spending time with the girl he would find out?
I was shaking when I told him. I was really afraid he would freak out.
And he did... about having to start working more to pay for all the things the babies would need in the future. It was sweet and funny.
When he calmed down he told me he wanted to be with us and my heart rested.
So I had a fantastic start of the year!
What about you
Saturday, July 16, 2011
From Apple's journal #27
I love weddings. Any celebration of love has a thumbs up from me, really.
Weddings are extra special because there is the lovey-dovey pink love energy around *and* they are a perfectly good excuse to get dressed up.
Now when you combine all of this with the opportunity to cook and feed a small crowd... I'm in heaven!
But it gets better. You see, the wedding I'm going to is between two people who have a very special place in my heart.
My Janina is marrying Billie , my partner in crime and my Mia 's mother.
So today we celebrate.
Bring the champagne and the cake!
Weddings are extra special because there is the lovey-dovey pink love energy around *and* they are a perfectly good excuse to get dressed up.
Now when you combine all of this with the opportunity to cook and feed a small crowd... I'm in heaven!
But it gets better. You see, the wedding I'm going to is between two people who have a very special place in my heart.
My Janina is marrying Billie , my partner in crime and my Mia 's mother.
So today we celebrate.
Bring the champagne and the cake!
Friday, July 15, 2011
The bright side of life with Hope #7
Understanding
We all say things we don't mean from time to time.
I'm sure if I had explained things to you in a different way we wouldn't get so angry.
Anger is a silly emotion. Being mad at something you can change is like standing in the rain without an umbrella and being mad because you are getting wet. It's such a waste of time... just get out of the rain and put on dry clothes.
We just did not understand each other. We felt hurt because we did not listen carefully to what the other one was telling and we were not able to hear the concern for our well being in their words.
I just want to keep our friendship safe because you are an important person in my life and there's no money worth putting that at risk.
I'm sorry about the way I behaved and I know that I took some of your words much more seriously then I should... I'm sure you didn't meant them. I wish I had the wisdom to understand that at the time.
I'm sure if I had explained things to you in a different way we wouldn't get so angry.
Anger is a silly emotion. Being mad at something you can change is like standing in the rain without an umbrella and being mad because you are getting wet. It's such a waste of time... just get out of the rain and put on dry clothes.
We just did not understand each other. We felt hurt because we did not listen carefully to what the other one was telling and we were not able to hear the concern for our well being in their words.
I just want to keep our friendship safe because you are an important person in my life and there's no money worth putting that at risk.
I'm sorry about the way I behaved and I know that I took some of your words much more seriously then I should... I'm sure you didn't meant them. I wish I had the wisdom to understand that at the time.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
From Apple's journal #26
With Mia with her mother and Owen with his father, Ruby gets a bit more alone-time with me after Scarlet is in bed.
As I was getting her ready to sleep she started talking about random things like she always do.
-Mommy, when I'm big I'm going to be tall. And I'm going to have a car. How many cars does Janina have? How does she drives them all at the same time? Do cars need to sleep? Yesterday I had a dream with a bunny. It was a white bunny. Why is the snow so white? Is it made from vanilla icecream? Can we have pancakes for breakfast tomorrow? Can everyday of the week be a tomorrow? Will I go to the nursery? Can I take my doll? Did I chew on dolls like Letty? Are there people that eat dolls? I want to make dolls when I'm big. Or maybe I'll sing in a band.
This goes on and on. It's quite amusing to see what her little head will come up with next. Today she was less random and more interested in one subject.
- Mommy, can Janina teach me how to dance? And can Andrew teach me how to fish? Or do I have to choose one?
-Of course you don't have to choose, silly. You can ask them both and I'm sure when they have time they will.
-Mommy... is Andrew your wife like Janina?
Ok... I had to laugh. I didn't mean to, but I had to...
-No baby girl. Andrew is a boy and we are not married. When a girl gets married she is a wife. When a boy gets married he is a husband. But Andrew is not married to mommy.
- But he can teach me to fish?
- We'll ask him tomorrow.
- And Janina?
- We'll call her and ask her about the dancing.
- Mommy... Andrew picks me up higher... but Janina has prettier hair and she lets me braid it. - She paused, thinking for a moment - I like them both!
I smiled at her.
-Me too,cupcake. And I love you. So much! Now, off to bed.
As I was getting her ready to sleep she started talking about random things like she always do.
-Mommy, when I'm big I'm going to be tall. And I'm going to have a car. How many cars does Janina have? How does she drives them all at the same time? Do cars need to sleep? Yesterday I had a dream with a bunny. It was a white bunny. Why is the snow so white? Is it made from vanilla icecream? Can we have pancakes for breakfast tomorrow? Can everyday of the week be a tomorrow? Will I go to the nursery? Can I take my doll? Did I chew on dolls like Letty? Are there people that eat dolls? I want to make dolls when I'm big. Or maybe I'll sing in a band.
This goes on and on. It's quite amusing to see what her little head will come up with next. Today she was less random and more interested in one subject.
- Mommy, can Janina teach me how to dance? And can Andrew teach me how to fish? Or do I have to choose one?
-Of course you don't have to choose, silly. You can ask them both and I'm sure when they have time they will.
-Mommy... is Andrew your wife like Janina?
Ok... I had to laugh. I didn't mean to, but I had to...
-No baby girl. Andrew is a boy and we are not married. When a girl gets married she is a wife. When a boy gets married he is a husband. But Andrew is not married to mommy.
- But he can teach me to fish?
- We'll ask him tomorrow.
- And Janina?
- We'll call her and ask her about the dancing.
- Mommy... Andrew picks me up higher... but Janina has prettier hair and she lets me braid it. - She paused, thinking for a moment - I like them both!
I smiled at her.
-Me too,cupcake. And I love you. So much! Now, off to bed.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
From Apple's journal #25
Ruby woke me up from a restless sleep. She was anxious to go visit her friends at the nursery and would not be persuaded to climb into bed with me to sleep a little longer.
I got up and looked at the sheets... they were tidy and made the room feel empty.
I shook my head trying to push the feeling away.
I hate waking up alone. It's not loneliness that bothered me... it's just the waste of what could have been a loving good morning kiss and a good morning smile I'll never get back.
I gave Scarlet and Ruby extra kisses and hugs ( mostly against their will...) to make up for it.
It was snowing when we stepped outside and once again I felt unease.
I love snow... why did I resent the cold blowing in my face?
I said goodbye to the kids and on my way to the grocery shop I bumped into Angel .
We chitchatted for a while about her upcoming wedding and how stressful it can be to try to have everything planned just right.
I heard myself speak to her like it was someone else talking.
"Can I give some advice?
Enjoy every second of it.
And then prepare yourself because it doesn't matter how perfect the dress is, how much your guest enjoy themselves, how beautiful all the bridesmaids are or how awesome the decoration is... everything will fade away the moment you say "I do". Nothing else will matter but that connection you're making and you won't be aware of anything else but the person in front of you, saying " I do" to you.
And then you can't help but to feel silly for stressing over it and you'll know that if you'd done it in your jeans with messy hair it would have been perfect just the same."
It was what I needed to hear at that moment.
Silly that I would have to remind myself that love is all that really matters.
You don't need plans or to know were you'll be in 5 years or the perfect setting. You just need love.
And suddenly the snow was as appetising as ever and the cold wind was just playing with my hair the way I like it.
I got up and looked at the sheets... they were tidy and made the room feel empty.
I shook my head trying to push the feeling away.
I hate waking up alone. It's not loneliness that bothered me... it's just the waste of what could have been a loving good morning kiss and a good morning smile I'll never get back.
I gave Scarlet and Ruby extra kisses and hugs ( mostly against their will...) to make up for it.
It was snowing when we stepped outside and once again I felt unease.
I love snow... why did I resent the cold blowing in my face?
I said goodbye to the kids and on my way to the grocery shop I bumped into Angel .
We chitchatted for a while about her upcoming wedding and how stressful it can be to try to have everything planned just right.
I heard myself speak to her like it was someone else talking.
"Can I give some advice?
Enjoy every second of it.
And then prepare yourself because it doesn't matter how perfect the dress is, how much your guest enjoy themselves, how beautiful all the bridesmaids are or how awesome the decoration is... everything will fade away the moment you say "I do". Nothing else will matter but that connection you're making and you won't be aware of anything else but the person in front of you, saying " I do" to you.
And then you can't help but to feel silly for stressing over it and you'll know that if you'd done it in your jeans with messy hair it would have been perfect just the same."
It was what I needed to hear at that moment.
Silly that I would have to remind myself that love is all that really matters.
You don't need plans or to know were you'll be in 5 years or the perfect setting. You just need love.
And suddenly the snow was as appetising as ever and the cold wind was just playing with my hair the way I like it.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
From Apple's journal #24
This Christmas eve was a bit different.
I had 3 very anxious little girls with me and I decided it would be fun to do something that they had never done before and that would keep them extremely entertained until Christmas morning.
We went camping.
Yes. Camping.
I dressed them up in warm, practical clothes, packed up the tent, put enough food on a bag to feed a small army (and some muffins too :P) and got ready for a day of outdoor playfulness.
We picked flowers, tried to fish (seeing Mia trying to handle a mini-fishing pole was priceless), sang, danced under the moonlight, made up constellations and roasted marshmallows in the fire.
At 9 pm they were all sleeping. I didn't even got the chance to change them into their pjs... they just collapsed from way too much fun and excitement.
We all missed Owen and his expertise as a make believe tree house constructor and bugs, but we named a constellation after him to keep him close to our hearts.
I had 3 very anxious little girls with me and I decided it would be fun to do something that they had never done before and that would keep them extremely entertained until Christmas morning.
We went camping.
Yes. Camping.
I dressed them up in warm, practical clothes, packed up the tent, put enough food on a bag to feed a small army (and some muffins too :P) and got ready for a day of outdoor playfulness.
We picked flowers, tried to fish (seeing Mia trying to handle a mini-fishing pole was priceless), sang, danced under the moonlight, made up constellations and roasted marshmallows in the fire.
At 9 pm they were all sleeping. I didn't even got the chance to change them into their pjs... they just collapsed from way too much fun and excitement.
We all missed Owen and his expertise as a make believe tree house constructor and bugs, but we named a constellation after him to keep him close to our hearts.
Friday, July 1, 2011
From Apple's journal #23
This Christmas eve was a bit different.
I had 3 very anxious little girls with me and I decided it would be fun to do something that they had never done before and that would keep them extremely entertained until Christmas morning.
We went camping.
Yes. Camping.
I dressed them up in warm, practical clothes, packed up the tent, put enough food on a bag to feed a small army (and some muffins too :P) and got ready for a day of outdoor playfulness.
We picked flowers, tried to fish (seeing Mia trying to handle a mini-fishing pole was priceless), sang, danced under the moonlight, made up constellations and roasted marshmallows in the fire.
At 9 pm they were all sleeping. I didn't even got the chance to change them into their pjs... they just collapsed from way too much fun and excitement.
We all missed Owen and his expertise as a make believe tree house constructor and bugs, but we named a constellation after him to keep him close to our hearts.
I had 3 very anxious little girls with me and I decided it would be fun to do something that they had never done before and that would keep them extremely entertained until Christmas morning.
We went camping.
Yes. Camping.
I dressed them up in warm, practical clothes, packed up the tent, put enough food on a bag to feed a small army (and some muffins too :P) and got ready for a day of outdoor playfulness.
We picked flowers, tried to fish (seeing Mia trying to handle a mini-fishing pole was priceless), sang, danced under the moonlight, made up constellations and roasted marshmallows in the fire.
At 9 pm they were all sleeping. I didn't even got the chance to change them into their pjs... they just collapsed from way too much fun and excitement.
We all missed Owen and his expertise as a make believe tree house constructor and bugs, but we named a constellation after him to keep him close to our hearts.
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